And it is my duty to inform you that I have a brain that is currently in use, and as such could never be a Marine. ;)

Good for you but as a Marine it is my duty to call you a weakling who could never do anything we Marines could do, military traditions are such fun.

Why isn’t there one called “titzndix” because that’s really what it all boils down to eventually.

Everyone should call in pretending to live in the Los Angeles in Alien Nation, report “newcomer” crimes against them, ransacking their houses in search of spoiled milk. It might take the operators a while to catch on and waste more of their time.

“The three people killed on the bridge are men!”

Just a little Christine Lagarde fashion appreciation post:

We’ve gone from an educated, humorous, sincere and proper president to this:

His track record is cold and messy.

I eloped yesterday! It was small and quick as hell and awesome.

Pet. Thread.

Dude, it’s you. It has nothing to do with being conventionally attractive. It’s just you.

Can anyone please tell me who said that David Spade was what happens when you put Tom Petty in the dryer? Does anyone remember that? Did I make it up? No, no, I’m not that clever.

Hi! Long time reader, commenting for the first time. I guess I should first put up a disclaimer, that I despise Trump and everything that he stands for, and also that Melania is a fool.

Had to get a new home number once due to a stalking X.

I’d do the same, but I’m pretty sure the IUD string would hang out of one of my nostrils.

he is kind of super religious too (which fine, be religious but keep it to yourself please) and then the whole thing with the cat.

It’s the fact that he was ever both elected into and appointed to any leadership position when he perpetually looks like he was just caught masturbating that amazes me.

Is this hat real?! What is this???