I have a couple pairs of boxers with no fly and I fucking hate it when I’m in bed and I decide to masturbate and then it turns out I’m wearing one of the no-fly boxers so I have to either not masturbate (as if!) or take my boxers off completely like a fucking caveman in order to masturbate.

For food we had: Steak. Burgers. Bar-b-que. Pizza. Beer. Soda. Milkshakes. Mari-fucking-juana. A DJ. Ice cream cake.

I do enjoy the complaint about run-on sentences within a 96-word, full paragraph of a sentence.

As much as I am in tune with the political leanings of the GMG sites, the Kinja commenting system is pathetic.

I know exactly how Andrew Luck feels. I mean, I don’t have a degree from Stanford or a bunch of athletic ability or millions of dollars or a super-high IQ. But I have been booed by people in Indianapolis. And my boss does a lot of drugs.

It is not a sport for weak men. He never should have taken all that money if he knew he was just going to run away from the sport, with his tail between his legs, because he got a couple of booboos. Football is for real MEN and not these entitled CHILDREN who want their paychecks without giving it everything they…

“Sure, we could have demanded he pay us the money back. But that didn’t feel like the right thing to do. Andrew was more than just our quarterback, he was the person we rallied around after we let Peyton Manning go He brought us together: our present, our future and our glorious past. From our point of view, he helped…

This is precisely why Eisenhower warned us about the Notary-Industrial Complex. 

Holy fuck I’ve never used the word notary.

A lot of people can’t handle witnessing the truth. 

Very true. My uncle was a notary public. That career is no joke.

In my opinion, we can never express our thanks loudly or often enough for the heroic actions of all the notaries who have sacrificed everything for this country. 

notaries are fucking hardcore, mate

I mean, I’m sure they *like* notaries. They fill an important role during the signing of contracts and the like. But I think that liking falls a like short of “hard on.”

Andrew Luck’s retirement will only increase the primal urgency of Football Men to find True Football Believers to play football, so that they don’t ever question their faith in it.

It’s no wonder the NFL has such a hard-on for the notary. The model is in some ways very much the same; many of you will die young, and don’t you dare turn your back.

I was going to mention how lame it was of him to wait until this late in the pre-season to announce his retirement, but in all fairness he did give a two-week notice.

“Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit quaaludes.”

No one picked The Iliad and The Odyssey? What? 

It started with her saying it’d be a nice thing for me to do for her going-away.