I fully support any sort of gin fizz, especially on a sunny morning—I mean, afternoon.

I’m curious which two you find unrecognizable.

I never learned to play the violin because I kept crushing the tiny little instruments with my bulging muscles. Please don’t hold it against me.

People love to talk/hear about themselves. Say the person’s name in conversation, use emphatic statements, “actively” listen and ask them about something they’ve already mentioned to you even if it’s not actually that interesting. Be careful with compliments, though, as they can easily come across as insincere.

You sound too sensible. Who let you on the internet today?

Last time I tried this, I ended up needing a new door frame.

Does the garnish count as an ingredient?

You may want to read that again.

My motorcycle only gets 45 mpg, and I only recycle when it’s convenient, but far greater is my non-contribution to the growing population of humans by not having kids. Sure, my offspring would be a genetic gift to the species, but that is a drop in the bucket compared to the value of simply not having kids.

Almost 40 years?! WTF? I would sign up for a Vasalgel injection in it’s current form yesterday. The other options on the list, not so much.

Lower fertility sounds like a plus to me.

Lower fertility sounds like a plus to me.

Good. That sounds like natural selection at work. Let those idiots keep themselves out of any positions of power/influence.

Alright, well, never mind then.

I see. I just see the parking reminder all the time and have never needed to manually add it. Also, I’ve never really used it. If I can’t remember where I parked my own car, I am probably too drunk to drive it anyway.

I can pretend. For all the fuss people like to make, it’s not that hard to put up with shitty people—especially if you’re making a bunch of money.

I saw something like this is LA where the driver would show up on a foldable moped. The moped would go in your trunk, the driver would take your drunk ass home in your own car, then unfold his moped and head to the next drunk person. It’s not a terrible idea, but I haven’t heard anything about it since, so I guess it…

Does this mean they’re hiring? I have a thick skin and could probably deal with the apparent douchebag culture for a bit while my bank account fills up.

This feature has been around for a very long time.

Nonsense.

It’s shaken because of the juice. All spirits? Stir. Fruit juice? Shake.