(Somebody’s gotta represent the I’m Not A Racist Butts.)

“I acted to deliberately harm someone, but y’all gonna judge me because of my eye. Porn star hypocrisy also too.”

They gave him a uniform and he thought he was Hitler.

Trump: “Unfair! Rigged! Rigged! Unfair!”

I think there’s a lot of overlap, and that eventually all these self-proclaimed geniuses get tired of justifing their horrible beliefs to themselves and just let their minds settle down into a nice pudding of “pisses off Lefties = good.”

She’s only too aware that Kellyanne Conway is taking her spot as the party’s official Repulsive Hate Ghoul, and it’s taking a toll.

I understand they’re seeking Jerry Lewis’ okay to base a routine on The Day The Clown Cried.

But thank gawd fer #NeverHillaryNeverLearnNeverNeverNever, right?

I don’t know what the fuck’s wrong with people lately (I have my suspicions, but nothing concrete), but tonight I see at least two football shitheads who need to go to prison (but of course won’t because they’re good guys at the sportsball thingy, woo woo).

people who claim the campaign is a “protest” or “boycott” are misinformed, because, in fact, it is a “social experiment” the purpose of which is to “keep Starbucks accountable.”

Except the protest voters do deserve it. They knew exactly what the differences were; they knew exactly what the stakes were. They simply assumed that they could have their cake and eat it too, that they could have their little foot-stomp of self-righteousness and enough people would vote for Clinton to save their…

All the pearl-clutching faux-ragers can get back to me when somebody grabs Pence by the pussy.

There’s still Squidbillies.

And yet he and his minions are already well on their way to laying waste to everything this country was once supposed to stand for.

You just couldn’t help yourself, could you. “I have a vision for the future...but first, let me alienate half my potential audience by gettin’ my licks in on Hillary! It’s all her fault! It’s all her fault! It’s all her fault! ...NOW, about what to do ne—hey, come back!!”

“I don’t understand why we don’t use nukes more often. Is that the football? Gimme that. Throw a dart at the map and I’ll show you some goddamn leadership.” 

1) Not all white males, thanks.

I work in a very diverse workplace. The night of the election all the neanderthals came out, and surprise—they turned out to be diverse as well. Many of my Filipino-American coworkers have been celebrating Rodrigo Duterte’s presidency for weeks, and they’re giddy at the prospect of Trump giving the okay to purge the…

No worries, Uncle Mexico Moneybags will pick up this tab too...or we’ll nuke ‘em. Trump logic!

On the bright side, Trump’s presidency will probably end sometime during the swearing-in ceremony, when he slaps the Bible away, tears Ivanka’s dress off, and does her right there in front of the cameras.