*watches clip

If the rest of the movie is this awful, I’m not sure I can handle it. Everything about this scene causes brain lesions. I’ll never drink Pepsi again because of this clip.

Bristle Failin’: “Nobody wants to hear what flies out of my dumbshit yap either! That’s why I’ll never give up the fight!!”

We live in a world where you might not want the cops to come. Especially if one of them is your attacker.

Why not just narrow it to two inches wide and call it a groincloth? Kek!

I might be able to survive if the collapse of the Golden Gate Bridge as depicted in Monsters vs Aliens is a little off, but if the situation in The Night The Bridge Fell Down is not possible, don’t tell me. Don’t. Tell. Me. I don’t think I could take it.

That’s Charlotte’s Web (1973). Avoid the slapdash 2003 sequel at all costs. Dakota Fanning starred in a live-action 2006 remake.

Damn you. I was going to post a GIF of a guy poking a fuzzy lump that erupts into a hundred baby spiders but now I’m just remembering an animated movie that traumatized me as a child.

I get that reference, but hey, way to set your own bar.

I recommend more fiber in your diet—christ.

Oh hell yes, Fiend Without a Face. A perfect balance between monumentally silly and genuinely creepy, and said silliness lets the film get away with an incredibly violent and revoltingly gross (for its time) finale.

“I’m not afraid of ‘em! I just live in mortal terror of what I fantasize they might do! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! Shake up, weeple!”

Gassing the guards and blowing up Fort Knox was a plot in one of those infamously awful Fletcher Hanks Stardust comic-book stories. Goldfinger added the touch of contaminating the gold to make his own gold more valuable rather than swiping it.

AOT,K.

Gesundheit.

FEEL THE FOAMENTUM!

And yet famous floor-pooper, stalker, white supremacist and overall loony Charles C. Johnson is still ranting away on Facebook. Even Twitter finally dropped the block on his sorry floor-pooping ass.

Deniers do not provide an alternative viewpoint, they provide an ever-goalpost-shifting lather of nonsense. They are represented by a man who brought a snowball before the Senate as “proof” of the nonexistence of climate change.

Yesterday Huckabee, now Cruz. I presume it’s Canned Hunts For Desperate Bottom-Scrapers Week.