I’m good thanks! Just started a new job and I’m trying to find a way to balance that with writing my thesis. Other than that I’m keeping it pretty low key, just taking it one day at a time. :)

So YOU’RE the tramp who he’s been talking to when I’m not around? Because Zac is my imaginary husband and we have an imaginary life together.

NO HE’S NOT

grandma is a bitch and i hope she died soon thereafter.

A 3-hour flight on Valentine’s Day a few years ago: Flight attendants rearranged a row of passengers near me to accommodate one woman’s giant stuffed teddy bear. Upon takeoff, I look over and there is the teddy bear, strapped in with a seat belt, enjoying a ginger ale.

A really exhausted looking Danny Glover traveling with his grandchild, who was being a little shit. The terrible thing was Glover was reading a screenplay for probably the most atrocious piece of writing I’ve ever seen ( I read over his shoulder). I’ve so far never seen the movie made. So there’s that.

I was in training in Wilkes-Barre, PA and was flying to my fiance’s graduation. I was worried about missing flights (I had connections) , so I got there early. I was sitting at the gate reading, and this traveling salesman walks up, sits next to me (there was literally no one else there) and says, “looks like it’s me…

The inside of a lavatory of for over an hour as I was stuck inside.

I am a bit phobic about air travel. I’m the spazzy person who white knuckles the arm rest and goes into meditative breathing anytime the captain mentions it’s time to buckle up because we have some turbulence ahead. But twice now I have been seated next to the only person on the plane who was more afraid to fly than I…

My reflection in the bathroom mirror towards the end of a long flight.

The Worst Thing You’ve Ever Seen on an Airplane...

I spent a seven hour flight stuck next to a cruise ship magician who was like Gob from arrested development but without the suave charm goodness of heart. He negged me constantly and kept mentioning that his “hot Lebanese wife” told him to go out and have sex with anyone he wanted because she as six months pregnant…

Is it bad of me to secretly hope that Bernie Sanders somehow miraculously gets the nomination instead of Hillary?

Dosage is what makes something toxic. Period.

I agree. Give me my delusions that last for approx. 5 seconds before I come upon the 7th shirtless mirror selfie.

She’s not looking for friends, she’s looking to get laid. She’s busy, she doesn’t have time for all the nonsense that goes with dating so she’s on Tinder looking for some dick...why be embarrassed about it?

Its called compression oppression

“Damn it Jerry, you told us you knew how to use iMovie!”

It’s like how leopard slugs mate, I guess.

And like. How does one rub their ‘gina against another’s ‘gina. Vulvas, sure. Clits, sure. But vaginas. Do they pull their vaginas from their body, like unfurl them like a flag, and then twist them around one another, like a rope? Can you pull out the fallopian tubes to make a braid? Is this a horrifying series of…