If they’re worried about hygiene, most of my math textbooks were never opened.

Gotta hit it once so I can take a sharpie and make a waterline. Then, she’s good forever.

Tee hee!

The specially designed tape, which measures circumference and not length, will be handed out free of charge at the clinic from Tuesday.

Ruler for internet trolls and gun nuts

As a Dr in Northern Ireland, I can’t tell you how happy this decision makes me.

YES. The whole time. You can tell she is doing her best to be polite for tv, but inside she’s like, “wowww these white people are duuuummmmmmbbbbbbb”

“No. Do you make crackers Brian?”

Depends on the pigment of the shooter’s skin. They could just be mentally ill.

This is Terrorism and I would not be surprised if this garbage was born in the USA.

HAHA I had never even heard of one or seen one before when my dad asked for one for Christmas and we definetly all made the dildo joke

Me too. Her and Chloe Moretz had some of the best readings...

I’ve never found him attractive... But now that I’ve seen him in makeup I would bang him like a screen door in a hurricane. Lip Sync Battle is doing the lord’s work.

Pardon me, your Highness.

lol, I don’t even want to live with my boyfriend that I’ve been with for 7 yrs. We live about 5 min apart and each own our own condo. All my girlfriends treat me like there is something wrong with this but they are going to need my couch once they hit their 40’s and are all getting divorced.

While I was getting in the car to go to my little sister’s funeral...

“She looks like a clown’s whore.”

Dad when I was 15: “You could stand to lose a few...” I was around 135 then...and I’m 5’7”.

Worst of all? This was the text: