Kids, if Pokeball guy offers to show you his “Love Balls,” run away and call the police.

Well, no one’s paying me to grind these little bastards into killing machines and drag my ass across the countryside fighting them. Actually I payed for the privilege. So maybe we’re not so different after all!

Every time I see an article like this, I wonder “Why am I working when I could just grind up some grass and stick it in a jar of Vaseline and sell it to credulous people who work for startups bloated with Saudi cash?”

The same thing happened to me once going into YYZ. The pilot was canny enough not to tell us what happened until we were at the gate after we managed to land. That was not a good day to have picked a window seat.

They were supposed to blow up that town everyone hates, Ottowa, but they blew up our capital Ottawa by mistake. The importance of good handwriting, people!

Based on his past history, I don’t think Donald Trump would willingly go within touching distance of a dog or any other non-human animal. Situations where he has been forced to have gone poorly.

Listening to a Porche drive through the German countryside, now THAT’S an ASMR.

Pictured is the last thing a McRib sees before it dies. What, you thought they weren’t available year-round? Only for plebs.

Is it weird that I like invert Y for third person views, but standard for first person? Then again I find playing first person games with a controller akin to driving a car with one of those paddle controllers they made for Pong, while third person with a mouse and keyboard feels all wrong if it’s not an MMO.

My main resolution was to not end up in the ER like in the past two years (Both cycling accidents.) Quit cycling and so far so good. I can’t even think about riding a bike without remembering how it felt to have my bones snapping or my shoulder getting dislocated so it wasn’t a hard sacrifice.

I think the 15 foot one was the largest thing I’ve driven, moving from Toronto to New Brunswick. It wasn’t as scary as I was expecting. The only thing I didn’t like about it was the lack of cruise control!

Protip: Try naming your character “Dude.” It makes the dialog a lot funnier. “Welcome, Dude. I am the essence of the Triforce....”

If I go far enough down a path and I haven’t seen the end yet, I’ll double back because it’s probably the right one and you just know there’s some tasty loot down the dead end path I didn’t pick.

If any game has wildlife in it, I’ll purposely avoid killing them unless I absolutely have to. Actually making me kill them is a good way to make me lose interest in a game. I might be a mass murderer but I’m not a monster.

On the bright side, I can now spot my ‘blue raspberry metallic’ Honda Fit from a mile away in any parking lot. As long as it’s not someone else’s ‘blue raspberry metallic’ Honda Fit, anyway.

Oh man, this T-shirt company could have totally run commercials during the Superbowl... BUT THEY DIDN’T WANT TO. Not doing something is so much cooler than getting denied and/or rejected.

Clearly those mansions were designed by the same person who designed the original Brady Bunch house.

To be fair, if someone was keeping me locked in a house and didn’t provide food, I would also eat their face.

You can care about more than one thing, you know that right?

I can’t whistle. I’ve tried, and tried, and followed all the advice and so on, but I still can’t do it consistently, using any method. Good thing I don’t like taking taxi cabs.