I have a friend who's son really wanted a phone (13 at the time), so they had him write an essay on what he would do with it and how he would pay for it. It took him 3 tries, but he finally prevailed, and got a dumb phone through tracfone, paid for from his allowance and odd jobs. This is pretty much all they need…

I feel your pain. I wish they spent as much time playing Minecraft as they spend watching other people's videos of themselves playing Minecraft.

When ex-military are commenting that they rolled lighter in Afghanistan than "police" in St. Louis, I think that is an indication that the terrorists did actually win.
They have turned us into them.

People can be snobs about Spam, then eat chicken nuggets at the drive through with no thought as to what exactly those are made of.

I love spam musubi, those folks were crazy to not try it.

This is a great idea, as long as the back of the book has a flipped volume of lesbian illustrations of penises. Something for everyone!

The thing that is really resonating from this article and all the references is: Ladies all like to fuck, but when we like to is just not important enough to bother researching in any real depth, because women.

There is something about pointless collectibles that connects in a profound and electrifying way with my youngest child's amygdala, and I never hear the end of it. YogurtLand spoons? We will never go there again if they can't cut this collectible spoon shit out, I am running out of house. And I don't like the damn…

What do you mean "back in the day?"

Are Miranda Kerr and Selena Gomez the last two women on earth that these two fellas need to just trade off? I'm in favor of an arrow to the thigh on Bieber, though, he seems to need some bench time to grow the fuck up.

Why doesn't a boy doll without a penis freak people out? What must little boys think when they get dolls home and there is no unit? Why is America so weird about this?

This guy is good fun. Love the Super underwear, well done! I wouldn't take glamour pregnancy shots, but it is worth taking a couple snaps at home just so you can look back at how a-fucking-mazing your body is when the kid gets out of high school. I was a short-waisted whale, but I'll be damned if I feel bad about how…

Having just had a largish in-ground pool removed after years of taking care of it myself, I am well aware of the chemistry involved. I also know that a pool full of kids is going to leave grosser water than I little jizz now and then. Don't even get me started on the hairballs.

1. Did the plastic surgeon pay for the rights to that image? I doubt it. BOO!

Someone needs to invent a 3d body projector, so we can just project the body we wish we had around us and stop having to worry about molding our actual selves into something probably not attainable for our body type. I would be willing to bet that a world full of people wearing projections would be so fucking boring…

Wait! There's a new word for that! Columbusing! (I'm sure I read that here somewhere.)

No shit: The whole point of life is to figure out a way you can create a comfortable private place to fuck; First your parents cockblock, then your kids get in on it.

Kid needs to get over himself. If you think lifeguards aren't fucking in public pools during off hours, you aren't very imaginative. Also: The ocean is FULL of dolphin come. And piss. And shit. Nature is disgusting, get over it.

No, you're not an asshole, just myopic if you think that all employees regardless of gender don't do the same thing. Of course, men with a prostate surgery/vasectomy/childbirth/whatever in their future don't also hoard vacation time/personal days to add to whatever (admittedly meager) disability time they might get. …

When people with privilege hear that they have privilege, what they hear is not, "Our society is structured so that your life is more valued than others." They hear, "Everything, no matter what, will be handed to you. You have done nothing to achieve what you have." That's not strictly true, and hardly anyone who…