Not fuckable at all!

My mom’s office had a UPS driver who was a sarcastic pain in the ass. One day she couldn’t find a seat at a popular fried chicken restaurant during a busy lunch hour. The UPS driver was there and offered to let her sit at his table with him, promising not to talk to her. Luckily they did talk, and they’ve been married…

From the age of 14 to roughly 19/20, I had my goth phase. At the time a standard outfit would be black top, usually with a skull on, black skirt, and boots. Depending on the top, there would sometimes be a corset over the top as well. However the very worst outfit I have put put on my meatsack was black converse, pink…

Forms in the UK offer certain ethnicities written ready for you that you can tick, such as Indian British, Chinese British, Bangladeshi British... because these are major ethnic groups in the UK.

one time I won a draw that gave me $25 towards anything at an etsy store that only sold two things: Hair clips for dogs and dog lingerie.

My worst breakup was with a boy who didn’t exist. In middle school, the last thing I wanted was to date but my mom was frequently accusing me of having a secret boyfriend. She’d barge into my room and wake me up at 3 AM just to question me/check if I was hiding a boy in my room. Finally, I got fed up with it all and…

I was totally crazy for this boy my senior year, and he ghosted me. He left a note on my car after coming to see my dance recital saying I did a great job and he would call me later...then, radio silence. (In retrospect, I realize that making a guy sit through a dance recital might be enough to kill any romance.)

Is it a break up if you were never dating? I was 14 and apparently some 19 year old liked me and was making it known to my friend. I was not in this conversation but apparently he asked me out through her and she told him I said yes (I never did) and gave him my number at a roller rink (1999). He would call me all the…

Roughly around the start of Grade 7, my prior group of girlfriends formed a hive mind and baby me was no longer welcome. Making the best of it, I made some new friends, including the boy who’d just moved to my town. New group and I have an okay time, lots of laughs, and new boy Taylor is funny. Great. Spring rolls…

I’m fifteen and it’s the early nineties. I am goth and hanging out at the goth place with all the other goths. I walk into a coffee shop and see a girl I know who is always very dressed up but tonight she is wearing overalls and crying into her cafe latte—let’s call her Ava. I ask a mutual acquaintance if Ava is…

made our palms sweat

This reminds me of my favorite episode of Angel, when Angel becomes a puppet. It was wonderful on so many levels. And those puppets were evil killers. Also puppet Angel was so much better than regular Angel. That is all. 

I love that they had enough headphones ready for everyone just in case.

Yeah, fine. But...

Hey, hi, fellow Jezebel readers, please don’t give the Sun clicks <3

in middle school after Shaggy got big, i got a t-shirt that said ‘It Wasn’t Me’ on it and honestly i’ve stayed up at night, 31 years old now, thinking about how much i regret that decision.

On the other hand i definitely wish i still had my Kony 2012 tshirt

My parents have a 17 1/2 year age difference and I’ve seen the damage it’s done now that he’s 73. There is a lot of resentment there and it’s unfair to both of them. My dad’s kids range in age from 42-19. My littlest sister always feels like she missed out on his best parenting years. 

There’s a 10 year age gap between my parents and... ever since Dad turned about 60 it’s just gotten harder and harder on Mum. Watching him age. Watching his decline. Watching everything. She has told me to never, ever be in a serious relationship with anyone more than just a handful of years older than me. It didn’t…

What do they talk about? You know, the usual — soup, snow peas, the outdoors. But, really, they can talk or not talk forever.