I own a very VERY old t-shirt from my college years with the Golden Girls faces that says “Stay Golden”.

I used to work in a mall, and a stored moved in across the hall from the store I worked at that had this gorgeous sweater that I coveted. It was an angora sweater with a hood, wood buttons at the shoulder, and the softest thing I’ve ever touched. I stalked that sweater, perusing through stores on my lunch breaks and…

I was working as a cocktail waitress in a topless bar, and it was exactly as tedious, gross, and demoralizing as you would imagine it to be. One night, I went to close out a table of older men, and when they started talking in front of me about what to tip me. One of them turned to me and said “Honey, here’s a tip for…

One day I’m walking up to my apartment and notice a cinder block is sitting underneath one of my bedroom windows. I’m puzzled, how long has that been there? There’s a dumpster for our building’s trash at the end of the drive, and I think, maybe it accidentally ended up over next to my window when someone was trying to…

This is by far— by FAR— the freakiest thing that has ever happened to me.

Two years ago, I got severely, awfully sick (probably the flu). I didn’t go to work for the entire week. It was all I could do just to keep myself drinking liquids and soup and shuffling to bed. The worst part was my husband was traveling for business, so I was all alone, just me and our sweet black cat Libby.

“Station wagon Stalker”

I think I’ve told this one in the comments before, but I couldn’t find it. This isn’t really paranormal either, but it happened to me when I was a kid of 12 or 13.

I was walking back home from the park with my sister and my best friend one Saturday. The park we went to was a quarter to a half…

In high school I was reading aloud in class and pronounced ‘Hyperbole’ as “Hyperbowl”.  I still visibly cringe when I remember that moment.

Once I was sitting in an airport bar waiting for my flight and a German couple was sitting next to me. At one point, the lady sneezed and I said “bless you” instead of “gesundheit.” This happened a decade ago and I still think about it at least once a week.

Also, I know I am late to the greatest prank contest, but here goes:

I’ve been running a Pinterest long con for going on ten years now. I created a fake post on a fake blog where I claimed that you could use Country Time Lemonade powder like Sun-In to get beachy highlights and then posted it on Pinterest. Every couple of years, someone re-pins it and I have myself a little chuckle.

Not a place, but a TV show. I used to watch “The Walking Dead”, and my then-wife suddenly took great interest and started watching it with me. She’d ask me all sorts of questions, we’d go back an binge watch previous seasons, etc. Turns out, she was banging some guy who loved “The Walking Dead”. I was so heartbroken…

My most vivid memory of seeing Titanic in theaters (with my mom chaperoning a gaggle of 11 year old girls, obvs) is when the boat first starts to sink and shit is falling over the place and my mom loudly exclaimed, “Oh no, they’re breaking all of those beautiful dishes!”

I’ve been very lucky— I wouldn’t call any of my jobs grueling. But this reminded me of my first day of one of my favorite summer jobs at a chain bookstore. I got oriented with a bunch of other newbies and after the few hours of HR paperwork and training videos, they set me and another young dude up in the back of the…

I save bread.

I can’t imagine what waitresses and bartenders go through these days. It was bad enough back in the day, even with all the cultural cues you got on TV and in the movies, about how to treat a lady and what not to say or do, what would get you slapped and called fresh, justifiably it was thought back then.

I’m at the NBC studio store in New York. It’s maybe 1999? My favorite cousin was a HUGE Friends fan. I barely know Friends myself (I didn’t even own a TV at the time, because of being poor). So I went there to buy her some merch. I chose this giant Friends Central Perk latte mug. Seemed like a fun gift!

I’m leaving the…

This is old hat now, but when it happened in the early aughts, it was novel enough to win me a “weirdest celebrity chef encounter” contest on the then-recently-launched Eater.

I somehow scored an invite to the Black Panther premiere after party in New York and grabbed my cheeseburger and a table right by the entrance. I don’t get starstruck but I’ve loved Chadwick Boseman since 42 and as he passed by, my friend saw my mouth agape and quickly said to him “my friend loves you, will you take a…

Literally the only thing that comes to mind: