I would just like to state that at one point in my 20s, I quit my day job to be a dancing spoon in a tour of Beauty & the Beast.

What is the proper way to snub a bathroom attendant?

Obligatory comment petitioning for revival of I Thee Dread.

Maaan, it would be very therapeutic if there was a new season of Drag Race airing right now.

Gaston’s neck is not thick enough.

this is alyssa edwards I refuse to be told otherwise

Pig in a blanket. I stayed nice and warm all day.

I don’t know if this fits, but my grandmother implicated me in her lie. She smoked Cool Menthols. Horrible terrible gross cigarettes. Back when I smoked, I was a Marlboro guy, but I had quite for years.

Back in 1971 when I was in 8th grade, I told my parents I was going to an Alice Cooper concert with a friend. When queried about the artist, I responded that “Alice did mellow folk music, like Judy Collins.” The next day, there on the front page of the Houston Post, was a pic of Alice in full makeup, shirtless,…

More of a creepy maybe home invasion tale but:

“I’m so very sorry, but when we were stitching you up Dr. WTF sewed his finger to your labia. It didn’t worsen the tear, but fluids mixed and we do need to do an HIV test. After we re-sew.”

Okay so it’s not really “gross” and I probably told this story before, but it’s still hilarious to me.

The cuffs make it seem like they were made for a giant and they didn’t have time to hem them.

Not into watching scary movies but I do love to read the Wikipedia plot summaries for them. Will be checking this one out!

fuck that. she should look that way she wants to look. if that means she’s got cleavage and bedhead, then rock on with it. “classy” is like “nice”—a way to shame women who don’t conform.

I used to work at a music venue and on beer delivery days, the door is propped open so guys can just come in and out with kegs and dollies as they need and the door won’t lock behind them. The office is in the back, so me and my boss don’t have a eye on the front, but the person signing all the delivery forms does.…

Give him a break -- he only just started Rumspringa and hasn’t had time to shop!

Every time I hear/read the word “autumn” I think of this

“trembling autumnal leaf Nicole Kidman”