True story about a snake on a plane: years ago I was married to a Marine and we were stationed in Okinawa. When it came time to move, I left for California a few weeks early with the kids. He flew back with the dog and I assumed he had found a home for our red tailed boa. When I went to pick up my obviously drunk…

I cannot handle the number of y’s in that headline.

I am not going to play this game so I’m just going to assume that you’re an assassin hired to kill crazy Britney Spears but she’s really hard to locate because sometimes she runs, sometimes she hides. So you have to get lucky to find her. and its like a toxic waste of time. But eventually even though she’s…

I liked DuJour better:

I hate myself for feeling this way but I am really even more attracted to Andy Samberg when he’s dressed up as a douchey pop star.

well, the good news for me is that the local aquarium has weddings. So my plan was to have my wedding in the aquarium, and donate enough money that they would let me borrow a penguin for the ceremony.

Whenever the name Minnie Driver is mentioned, someone has to say ...

LENTILS!!!!!! JUST SERVE LENTILS AT YOUR LENTIL WEDDING!

right here. at my desk. in 2016. at age 29.

Yeah, so you can be killed by a woods-dwelling survivalist psycho in peace.

Now I’m envisioning an undercover activist wearing a tear-off outfit taking the job and then halfway through the event, when the line is longest, tearing off her clothes and screaming LOOK AT MY PIERCED CLITORIS YOU GUN-TOTING MONSTERS and then Zoidberging out of there.

“We give each other compliments. He’ll say, “You look beautiful,” or “That looks great.” Or I’ll say, “I don’t know about this outfit,” and he’ll say, “No let’s change that.” And I’ll absolutely say to him, “You know what? No T-shirts.” [Laughs]

For those who don’t know the woman on the left up there is Sandi Toksvig, national sweetheart and sorely missed long time host of The News Quiz on BBC Radio 4. I’m so pleased. She is so, so brilliant.

Arranged myself across the 2 rolly ball office chairs and a regular office chair and moved around the office by sheer power of serpentine. Before you ask 1) no one else was in 2) yes, I was high

I made a long chain out of all the paperclips, attached a note to it that said “please bring sweets” and dangled it out of the window and into the window of the office on the next floor down. They sent up gummi bears in an envelope.

I want to know where she was, because at the the dinner parties I’ve been to, we mainly bitch about work, shit that’s happening on tv, and get rollicking drunk. I live in the UK, beeteedubs.

Oh my god. This is good art.

Finally I get to share my story publicly in a setting where people WANT to hear it!!! In December 2014, I started having really massive stomach cramps. I thought perhaps I had eaten something bad, or was PMSing, but these cramps were constant. I couldn’t sleep, I stopped being able to eat. I couldn’t stand up…

I have adenomyosis. It causes my period to come out in clots, not in a flow.