Nobody’s stopping him from copying info about his followers and asking them to follow his new account. He just can’t keep the account. Your inability to grasp and comprehend a fair analogy is stupid as shit, though. See? Now we’re all having fun [insert exclamation point here]

Did he also keep the work phone they gave him because he added people to the phone’s address book? Did he keep his workstation because he added a bunch of words to the hard drive?

That police statement sounds like this looks:

I’m not guessing that. You’re very generous. Or naive. 

They may never be able to determine this with certainty, but I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that Knox (he was a very good boy) didn’t die of natural causes. But, honestly, I don’t want to know. It’s horrible to even contemplate what someone like this trainer is capable of.

Let me be the first person with the balls to defend Greg Abbott, because he is 100% correct. Some insights really are timeless and should never be forgotten. Like, say, this one:

First they came for Alex Jones and BarStool said nothing. Then BarStool swatted on Twitch and Don Jr. said nothing. Where will it end?

When did Jim Irsay become CEO of NASCAR?

Somebody at Canton should’ve had the balls to play this video right after Lewis finished vomiting up his dumb speech.

The policy is “No weapons.” The “...unless you’re a paranoid, trigger-tempered adolescent,” part is implied. In the greater Gainesville metropolitan area, it’s colloquially referred to as “The Hernandez Codicil.”

So does Henry Cavill, fwiw. 

My favorite line in ‘Malice’ is Bill Pullman saying to Nicole Kidman, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to hold a grudge on that one, Tracy.”

They should make a series of action movies featuring a hero named Duane Allman.

Although, when he flies over the handlebars with no helmet, it takes you out of the moment a bit because, well, the rest of the movie takes place in the afterlife. 

Who would win a fight between Ethan Hunt and John Wick?

Nope, I was just being a dick from the get-go, and for no good reason. Your response was perfectly fine and fair. I just read it at the wrong moment and didn’t have the good sense to recognize that. 

I apologize. I was in a bad mood last night.

Shut up, stupid.