I always thought it would be awesome if Brandon Marshall were traded straight up for LeSean McCoy. Then I could imagine Brandon singing:

Haven't read the article yet, just glad to see you're alive Tyler! #tylerisfree!

You guys are taking a surprising stance on these guys. These guys are heroes!

Mouthing “bang” while looking unimpressed is also how my son was conceived

I’ve always been of the opinion that the crime is underusing a car, not overusing it. If you just park it, that’s lame, but if you go beyond what it was ever intended to do that’s usually awesome, as long as you don’t put innocent people at risk by doing whatever it is you’re doing.

I give them credit for using the cars—as if keeping them in heated garages under covers and only taking them out for short cruises on sunny weekends is so “manly”.

I tried, oh how I tried, but Alcatraz security just put me back on the ferry.

I lost basically all of my blood out of my back end a couple years ago. Sat on the toilet one morning and woke up on the floor with a large knot on my forehead and a trail of blood behind me. I continued to bleed in the hospital and ended up needing a double bowel resection. I received 16 pints of blood during that…

I actually can't even picture how you wipe your ass while sitting. Like, I reach my hand pretty much into the toilet bowl under my balls? What if I took an enormous shit that is peaking above the water? Why would anyone risk that? I wasn't even aware sitting to wipe was a thing people did. What the actual fuck.

Must suck to have an ugly sister and have to resort to cousins.

I'm from the south so I know how devastating it is getting the clap from cousins.

Well cones. I’m watching both shows. Burn me.

I asked my bank account. This was it’s reply.

Worst forum shit storm ever seen? Easy. Go to any thread on Gawker or Jezebel, make a comment where you might appear to not be a left wing liberal nut job. You could tell them the sky is blue. However, if they even THINK you are a Republican (even if thats not the case), not only is the sky NOT blue, but you are an…

I think the referee has to give him a yellow in this situation. Clearly his hands are apartheid.

The 1970s Corvette Stingray! Or the Mach 1 Mustang.

Pant O’Mime was going to attend White Sox camp to appear at White Sox camp today, but Kenny Williams barred his son, Sweetchild O’Mime from the facilities. The younger O’Mime, with a tear in his eye, looked to his father and mouthed the words “Where do we go now?”

I'm guessing if they can't find him he was probably an eligible lineman.

I don’t think anyone was going to make them anyways.

It’s a giant Flip flop!!!