It's an open secret that Coulter is a professional shock jockey who believes barely a single iota of what she says in public. Many of her friends are liberal and she' supposedly a cool person in private.

If he was hanging from a cliff, with one hand stretched towards me, asking for help, I'd kick his other hand. Fuck this guy.

Did the woman provide written consent for the man to ejaculate in the first place?

This is why I never do diet challenges with my partner, only fitness challenges. Like last August we started a 30 day regimen to double the amount of push-ups we could each do within a minute. At the end of the month it came time to test our results: he proudly dropped down and banged out 60 push-ups in a minute,…

Being able to hold two thoughts in your head at one time is an essential skill, my guy

Get in line. The Browns owe everyone an apology.

But what if you were a married man, planning to start a family, and then you got in a terrible car accident on your way to pick up your adorable dog from the vet and then in the hospital they gave you blood while treating you, only they used GAY BLOOD and then when you get released from the hospital you are gay now…

I wonder what they'll put down under "Place of Birth" on the certificate.

Do you know what is awesome about the USA? You force all other countries to sign up to things like the Human Rights Charter and sign up to the jurisdiction of the International War Crimes Tribunal but refuse to do so yourselves so that you can continue to execute people for crimes they committed as kids and so your…

The perfect shower beer: "Finished mowing the lawn Saturday need to get ready cause we have a babysitter and we're going out tonight" shower beer is the absolute best. Glass all cold and sweaty, damn.

"I'm just a simple buffoonishly doting husband who just happens to be former Dean of Yale School of Management and former Undersecretary of Commerce."

Never forget what a horrible person you are.

Another moment of Einstein being wonderful:

>Can they help him now, Frank?

A little late for Lenny.

Not so much describing 'future events' as describing ongoing events that have been happening for a long, long time.

Deadspin is not your freshman philosophy seminar. Just FYI.

Of all of the really stupid comments in the grays that I read because I hate myself, I want to single this one out because I think it's truly a monumental achievement in tone-deafness to imagine that young black men are being more detrimentally affected by sympathetic Deadspin articles than by being MURDERED.

I'm a DOCTOR and I have trouble covering the costs of daycare while most of my colleagues have nannies and I have no idea how they can afford it.

Absolutely false. Browns fans know their number probably won't come up in any given year and in fact they will end up somewhere near the bottom of the tank. The hope that always exists is more than hope; it's almost an absolute certainty that good times will come again, parades and championships, and that you will…