Lookit mister bigshot, here, who made it to the middle school level.

Arrested Aug 2nd and suspended indefinitely on the 3rd? It almost sounds like college football is making progress. 

They can’t pick which team to deal with. Each club gets a chance to claim the waived player, in reverse order of the standings. And a player can only be claimed once. If they don’t reach a deal, then Washington revokes the waiver and can’t deal with anyone else.

“I don’t understand why these players aren’t simply retracting their heads into their shells before contact to avoid this sort of thing.” - Mitch McConnell

All the gifs are out of order and misnumbered. You said there were only 50, but one of them is numbered 95! And I think you used a couple of the numbers multiple times! This is not what I expect from this usually wonderful website.

My wife is so afraid of someone noticing her when she goes to poop, she actually keeps a 2nd pair of shoes in her desk so nobody recognizes her in the stall. She calls them her Shittin’ Shoes.

“It’s not a lie if you believe it” - George Costanza 

-urns

You’ll be able to tell how much he loved his dad by how many times he says the N-word during the eulogy.

Makes you wonder what he could have possibly done to make a funeral home employee feel “incredibly uncomfortable”

This is not only not a bad take, it is the absolutely correct take.

Had the same thought. Kind of the whole “what exactly is RECKLESS driving, anyway” theory.

^ step 6. proofread the asinine autocorrects that your phone pulls on kinja.

Step 1. Agree that this whole NFL thing has gone waaaaaay too far.

What a coincidence! My wife has been avoiding my sacred space for a couple weeks now…

I only realized they played the anthem on TV when I was watching a game in mixed company and a dude stood up and put his hand over his heart. It was CRAZY awkward.

Excited to announce that The Athletic has signed me to make snarky comments in their discussion sections. Follow me there to find out more.

Best female athlete in history? I think there’s a case to be made for Simone Biles.

Prison. For the rest of his life. What he did is irredeemable and he should never see another day of freedom. Personally, I would include the possibility of the prisoner to opt in to the death penalty if they don’t want to spend 50 years behind bars, but you are removed from society.