Mine would be Eat, Drink, Sleep.

I’ve done that several times, and it never works. People laughed at me one time I did it, and the other times I was ignored or got sneered at. Maybe my voice isn’t that authoritative.

All I have to do is look at that balcony photograph to know that.

That’s oddly specific. I will definitely try not to do that.

Yes, I’m still down with the soy.

This is reason no. eleventy-billion why I never sit on public transportation. Maybe my friends will stop making fun of me now.

She does have an album coming out.

That satire was far too believable.

How about making the culling of troublesome animal populations a job that we pay professionals to do, rather than authorizing a citizen vigilante kill squad? We’d create more jobs and reduce the number of guns out there in the populace.

I totally ghost. But I hate attention and phony goodbyes.

My favorite Wife Swap wife!

That’s child abuse and animal cruelty. Call the police and CPS.

The comments on this post are just reinforcing my impression that having children is hell.

I actually took a week’s vacation when I got a puppy.

She’s just saying what most people without children secretly think. We may not say it to parents, but when amongst ourselves, it definitely gets said. She’s already been starred 64 times.

Past a certain age, you just have to let it go or you’ll look like a freak.

Three things: one Bourbon, one Scotch, one beer.

But my cell phone is my only friend.

I have a terrible memory. After a few years, I can remember which concerts I went to, but no details. I still don’t see the point of taking photos and videos though. To me, it’s something you enjoy in the moment, and then you move on.

And it’s hot there. When I was a poor, young lass trying to get through an NYC summer without air conditioning, I ate a pint of Ben & Jerry’s every night while sitting in an ice cold bath with a fan blowing on me. Now that I add it all up, my ice cream budget could have funded an air conditioner.