I’ve spent at least that much on booze, so I can’t hate.

The thing is, more people are seeing pics of that sneaker now. I never heard of it before this post.

An Ulta saleswoman tried to sell me an eyebrow pencil by saying that the Kardashians had made eyebrows an important beauty trend. Maybe their employee handbook tells them to throw in Kardashian references whenever possible.

Me too. I haven’t noticed any stink problem.

SO MUCH THIS. The women in my office spend so much time talking about their diets. Especially on office birthdays, when everyone is clustered around a cake and not eating it.

I never use my garbage disposal, because I’ve heard that it can attract rats, but my mother puts everything in hers. She will cook a meal, decide that she doesn’t like it, and will dump the whole thing down the disposal. I don’t understand why she doesn’t put it in the trash instead. But yeah, for some reason,…

Her job is to take care of her rich husband’s winkie.

I wouldn’t have waited four years. One week and I would have hired a drifter to take care of things.

Unless he cheated on you and you’re trying to get back at him.

I know right? Especially when sack cloth and ashes are so affordable and earth friendly.

People only think this looks good because Beyonce is wearing it.

What about a zombie apocalypse though? We’ll need our guns then.

Here’s my idea: allow guns, but require all of them to be pink with swarovski crystals on the handle. Straight men would have to overcome their fear of looking girlie to carry them. That would cut down on all the insecure macho types with guns.

It helps that you’re on an island. Johnny Depp couldn’t even smuggle in two tiny dogs!

Definitely get an attorney. I work for a bankruptcy trustee, and I feel bad for the people who are representing themselves. A lot of them end up making their situation worse because they don’t know what they’re doing.

I do have a type, but I’m not able to actually get my type to date me, so yes, all my exes look different.

It’s SOP when your spouse is hella rich.

I hate to defend SJP, but when you have no fat on your arms, your muscle tissue is more defined and you look more muscular than you are. So it’s possible that she doesn’t work out that much.

Stay married. Dating is so awful that I’ve decided to stay single.

She’s gorgeous. She gets plenty of attention without resorting to making up drama.