Well, I hear ADHD is almost nonexistent at Hitler Schools.

Goering, Goering, gone!

I wonder how many Stalin bases he has this year?

His NBA dreams actually died a few weeks ago when Sam Hinkie got fired.

That would explain moving to Windsor.

Officials became suspicious when he punctuated a drive in the lane by yelling, “You Millennials are entitled.... to getting dunked on!”

I’d criticize school staff for not seeing through the ruse, but in all fairness, nobody’s ever met a 30-year-old from South Sudan.

Poor guy was waiting for a call from Sam Hinkie that never came.

Assuming the complication was the medical staff refusing to sign off on a birth certificate with the name spelled that way.

Blue Man Tobias Funke offers his service to don the costume. After all, he is an anal(yst/the)rapist.

Good to know rape is at least against team rules.

“Our rivals might scoff at this and describe it as one of a litany of petty humiliations inflicted by The Process, but this is in fact a classic example of what the great modern philosopher Napkin Gladwell would call ‘Unorthodox Progress’. By inverting the performer-audience business model and forcing our players to…

When asked about the potential issues with decreased transparency within state university football programs, Emmitt Smith said he really didn’t see the issue as long as “they just pee sitting down.”

♫ An autumn day
In a cool and mild mid-April;
I am alone,
Aiming from my box out to my teammate’s feet
For a faceless empty silent crowd of seats.
I am a Roche!
Scored from my eeeee-eendline! ♫

Ownership overriding any actual PR staff on media relations has a 100% incidence of turning into a clusterfuck.

Cardinals fans: [start Chip Hale for Manager website]

“Hello, friends! Which one of you wants to pull really hard on my necktie while I jerk myself off to completion?”

Some asshole will still find a way to blame him I’m sure.