Now THAT is how you call a god damn goal. You grumble, scream and then eat the microphone, only to regurgitate it and finish it off before leaving and never calling it again.

A bear among bears.

What exactly is happening in that video? It’s like he was trying to take on a guy twice his size when he lacks any attacking ability whatsoever.

I feel bjorn again.

When told people questioned his atrocious first-touch, Gyasi Zardes said, and I’m paraphrasing, “My first touch is great. People who judge me are not athletes.”

The USMNT is bad. Other than Jermaine Jones’ hustle, and play from Geoff Cameron and John Brooks and Guzan, we looked like absolute dog shit. When you watch teams like a Messi-less Argentina and Chile move the ball, and play quickly to each other’s feet, pick their heads up and address space before making a (shitty,…

That dude’s eye is gonna need surgery.

Ha! Those wacky crazy pit road guys. My uncle was a wrench tech for Bobby Labonte in the #18 Green, we called it the “Green Machine” (ha!), and he put a turbo torque handle on the nut guy’s air rig and didn’t get caught until the last pit stop at Daytona in ‘98. They kicked him off the team and he killed himself, but…

Nascar.

Meant to reply at the top, not on the comment.. Can’t delete it, and I’m not catching hell from Deadspin thread elite for double commenting. I got my life together and replied to Billy Vanilly at the top.

He did it in a self-loathing ironic way, to be funny! Guy’s a regular Luis PK.

ouch.

*and can it be upgraded to vibrate? Also asking for your friend.

Also, Dude, Indian is not the preferred nomenclature. Native American, please.

“YEAHH!!!! WOOO!! SUCK MY FUCKING DICK CHRIS! YOU FUCKING SUCK! I’M A WINNER! ...Now, write your name on that ball so I can jerk off on it later.”

Rarrin’ Dovell... Stankingest knuckle ball in the class of ’88.

Goose Gossage, is that you?

Back-back-back-back-back-back-back-back-back-back-back-back-back-back-back-back-back-back-back-back-back-back —-

I’m sorry I let you down.

I’m like the friend you had who went to your house when you weren’t home to smash your mom while your daddy was out fucking his cousin. I already know who you are. You’re the big shot, right wing racist Christian who had a homosexual experience as a teen and is now overcompensating for it by tough-guying his way…