The pitch: Jim from The Office, Bunk, and that guy from the Supercuts ads are the only thing stopping a country with effectively no institutions at all and suffering under hyperinflation, from destroying America so quickly and thoroughly that there is no news media left, at the behest of Russia which can’t just do it…

Wow, when you can’t trust the rich, white Texans to be allies...

After game 1 of last year’s NLDS between the Brewers and Rockies, which the Brewers won after also winning their last eight regular season games, he declared the Rockies “in the driver’s seat” because the game had gone to extra innings. Extra innings losses are well known to be as good as wins, if not better, in a…

Roxane would never use drugs. A pack of Marlboro Lights and four or five brandy old fashioneds a day was good enough for Jesus, and it’s good enough for her.

I see Chan just wears the motion-capture outfit everywhere now.

Inside Matt Nagy’s recurring dream:

St. Louis MLS brand developer: [Crumples up piece of paper labeled “Battlehawks Concept Art,” sends frantic e-mail]

Also New York’s o-line will be for shit.

It’s important to lose the right way.

Carroll is a “tells people he voted for Johnson” guy.

A disruptive headcase is what Brown’s trying to get around!

This is an interesting thing that happened, but well down the list of crazy things that happened in this game.

“I don’t see any problem here.”

It took until the MLB.TV era, and radio overlaid on the TV broadcast, for me to realize that this is actually typical of how accurately Uecker calls many game details.

How much would it cost to tear the roof off the Edward Jones Dome?

Trevor Bauer: [disputes premise of story]

I just moved to metro Miami, and I’d like to point out that Publix fucking sucks. Oh, you can get a sandwich there? There are six sandwich shops on every block! Meanwhile, every single product is 30% cheaper at Target.

Dan Marino was a raging prick to his teammates all the time.

“Make sure you get the truck in frame.”