He just sits at home reciting the last verse of The Pied Piper over and over and waiting for his dad to notice his giant missing kidney scar.

You have to admit, Alice committed to the bit!

Since the sheriff is an ex-con it makes a kind of sense.

Well, she lives there, I think? But still: yeah girl, stop off at the White Worm or Serpents homeless camp first!

I didn’t even think of it until reading this comment!

Please, Hiram LIVES for petty. That and picking obsessive revenge arcs with teenagers, one of whom is his daughter.

4. Add “slowly dying of poison” to the list of things that fail to stop teen makeouts in this show.

She had access to an antique phone! Call Sheriff Whoever’s Wearing The Hat This Week or Betty or somebody!

She apparently married one of her twin boys off to her adopted daughter so I think Chaos is sitting on Good’s chest and dangling loogies over its head in her case.

THANK YOU

That whole family needs their own spinoff, written by VC Andrews.

Is there a clause in Mark Consuelos’ contract dictating a minimum number of scenes in which he will appear shirtless?

If it is she should be under arrest!

“I found another subbasement filled with rotten wine casks and mouse skeletons!”

Yeah. Yep. 

You know who did this for me? VC Andrews. My sister had allll those hot’n heavy throbbers in junior high and we devoured them regularly. A few years ago I reread My Sweet Audrina, the most wackadoo of the bunch, for an online book club, and was astonished at how terrible the sex scenes were.

My inner goddess is dancing or some such rot.

That mental headspace made her rich, which means there are millions of people out there who are still mentally twelve years old when it comes to erotica. *shudder*

And she’s flatly and openly ripping off much better writers.

I hope she mentions the court case where a man accused of loving a duck not wisely but too well was acquitted on the grounds that it is physically impossible for a man to fuck a duck.