My mom’s assisted living is proof of that. I have had people yell at me for being in the elevator (apparently they think the trip up two flights should be a solo adventure) and for sitting quietly, waiting for my mom, looking at my phone. This cranky bitch I didn’t even know yelled at me about using my phone, for my…

I take care of an 80 yr old lady. She will lie and cheat. If she could get to the store she’d rob them blind. Yathzee has been banned. She’ll roll 4-5 times have one 6 and give herself 24 pts. No fucks to give.

My mom used to live next door to a guy in his 80s who gave her what must have amounted to at least $1000 worth of plants and chopped wood that he stole from the Kroger. In the middle of the day. Because he seriously did not give any fucks at all.

The woman in the room next to my aunt’s in the rest home taunted her “enemy” into bitchslapping her in the dining hall so that the enemy would be kicked out. It worked, and now she is gloating about her successful plan.

Yes, but fortunately, with my parents, the fucks to give flying out the window hasn’t caused them to become geriatric bullies. They just wear socks with sandals now.

Trust me, that’s totally true. I’m 64 and definitely out of fucks to give.*

When I was about 13, I pretended to be a soon to be mother on a baby name message board. I really liked baby names at the time (girl names only, der), carefully maintaining lists for all my future children. This was back around 2001 so it was a very primitive message boards, but I was extremely active, becoming a top…

I pretended to be straight for 20 years. Does that count?

I'm okay with click-bait when it ends like this.

Same here. The headline definitely made me go, “What’s happening in Florida now?”

This was definitely a headline that gave me a major doubletake for a few seconds. Then I said “awwww” and all was right with the world.

Ain’t no shower like a Marilyn Mosby shower cuz a Marilyn Mosby shower is trespassory.

a neighbor who had broken into her apartment and used it to throw a baby shower

I think whorship is very personal, piglet, everyone should whorship in the manner of her choosing

On Sunday morning, though? I usually do my whorshipping on Friday and Saturday nights. Sundays are for recovery.

brb never sleeping ever again

I live on the shores of the Great Lakes and I still do my part to shame my neighbours for watering their driveways, cause that is bullshit.

Who’s the best coast now, suckers?!?!

Couple years back an ARC instructor lost half a leg or died. Can’t remember which; by a couple, I mean like 15 when I was still in high school. Was in the hooch.

This is like 50% of my booze consumption in the summer. What am I supposed to drink when we are recapping Game of Thrones and eating Chinese takeout? What am I supposed to drink when it is too early for whiskey or I am trying to pretend to be a delicate flower? OH THE HUMANITY!