PEOPLE ARE WEIRDLY DEFENSIVE ABOUT NOT LIKING TOMATOES. i hate tomatoes and like two of my good friends think i’m the scum of the earth because i hate them. THEY WILL CUT A TOMATO IN HALF AND PUT SALT ON IT AND EAT IT LIKE AN APPLE. IM GROSSED OUT.
Goblinmarkets
goblinmarkets
I dated a guy in law school who broke up with me, on Valentine’s Day, in a fancy French restaurant. Apparently he thought I would not make a scene in public. Apparently he had learned shit about me in that year we dated. I bounced a bowl of fancy little French pickles off his forehead, one by one, and the waiter…
Oh! This isn’t like a break up story but I stopped hanging out with my bff because he was into me like that and became pretty possessive.
This Pissing Contest is making me feel super lame because I have no good stories, just your garden variety sleeping around and making bad decisions and crying a lot.
The asshole cheated and then broke up with me before I could dump him. And I was very angry so I called him a few weeks later and said I was pregnant. I let him stew for a week and then told him I needed $500 for an abortion. He paid and I took my best friend on a road trip and had the best damn time EVER
Tried to stay friends.
after getting dumped in high school, i came home in tears and announced that i was going to slash his tires. i dramatically asked my mom where the box cutter was and she gave me a big hug and said “no, sweetie. what you want is a hammer and a screw driver.”
NYE 2003: Long story short, I saw my long-term boyfriend making out with my “friend” (LIKE TWO HOURS BEFORE THE BALL DROPPED so there was no excuse). I screamed at him but didn’t bother with her because I didn’t want her to know she could get to me like that (she was SUCH a pathetic attention whore who lived for shit…
You guys can laugh, but you can make good money doing this stuff even without being one of the “leading” authors. I’m making around two grand a month from my books.
The 80s, eh? So Old Navy, then?
yea, in the back of my head during the mayoral race I kept thinking “man, I don’t love Rahm Emanuel, but it would be SO COOL TO GET THE OBAMA LIBRARY”
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NEW YORK SUCKS CHICAGO NUMBER ONE WOOOOOO
I like IKEA. I don’t find it stressful or temper-fraying. I enjoy building the furniture; I have assembled furniture for my friends, even, because it’s fun. Snobs and haters can go suck on a FINANSIELL.
With all due respect:
That or “Tiresome Nebbish.”
Woody Allen movies are essentially Nicholas Sparks novels for pseudo-intellectuals (or for a better visual, Woody Allen movies are essentially Nicholas Sparks novels with hipster glasses on): they’re formulaic, predictable, enforce shitty sexist stereotypes, are a little squicky, take themselves far too seriously,…
I mean, if you leave your keys in your car, and it’s stolen, you get prosecuted as an accessory to grand larceny. Or if you have a wallet with you while on the subway and you’re pick pocketed - accessory to robbery. This is the same thing.
Who in the actual fuck has a pet water moccasin