I feel ya, what is it about weddings that bring out the creepy old men? Oh wait, its the easy access to booze and everybody trying to turn a blind eye so that they don't make a scene and ruin the wedding.

My older sisters dog Athena was only half lab, half beagle, but she was known for eating anything, up to and including the turds from the cat box. One famous story is about the time she got into the food bin and individual kibble shapes could be felt through her swollen stomach.

She’s bad, but she isn’t the worst guest ever, that honor(?) goes to my cousin’s estranged father who insisted on hitting on 17 year old me and then decided that the only reason I wasn’t reciprocating was because I was obviously dating the guy next to me, my other cousin, his estranged ex step son, who he didn't…

I was in the same fourth grade class as heather mack. This is all very weird to me.

Got shitfaced friday , didn’t wash my face before falling asleep, woke up saturday afternoon, had plans so just reapplied eyeliner over the old smudged lines, boom instant smokey eye. (I hate the choices that I make)

Jokes on you Sister Catherine, still can’t trick me into joining a convent.

Shit like this is why I never visit the Minnesota side of the family.

And once again I am afraid of a doll. (The first time was when my sister learned how to prop up her american girl doll so that it was standing over me when I awoke)

You’ll pry my avocado smeared hamburger from my room temperature dead hands. (Also I’ve lived through Chicago and upstate New York winters all the years of my life, and I’m calling bullshit on locking yourself in a walk-in freezer as weight loss)

He looks like a guy I used to be in class with, who coincidentally, was also a raging asshole.

This is just my opinion, and probably not legally binding, but fleeing the country should effectively negate your plea deal.

Ugh I had a friend who did the same thing, as in, we started going to the gym together, and she ended up joining like four different classes and going for several hours most days and got super fit, but also super into my face about how I should be doing all of this too, and you know, not working or going to classes…

I don’t even know where to start with you.

Scrapes all over my ass from the rock face I was pressed against. Also managed to hit my head hard enough to black out against the same cliff.

So its the puppets fault I'm being driven to sin?

How dare you make me listen to this with my own two ears

Joseph Mantzoukas, he’s pretty hilarious.

Ah Stanford, the school that gave us Sandra Day O’Connor, but also Mitt Romney, forever a cesspool of a modicum of intelligence, and an abundance of entitlement.

In my high school chemistry class we had a guy who quite literally built a bomb, it was small, it didn’t hurt any one, pretty much all it did was set off the smoke alarms, was a bit like over glorified fireworks, but still, he built a bomb and set it off in the back of the room. What happened to him? Three morning…

Yeah, I get that it isn’t a perfect comparison, I was just trying to find a somewhat adequate correlation that explained the basic premise of conditional consent, that related to this specific case.