I've drawn myself naked because hey! free model!

Stupid question: Why is the nose red? Is she drunk? Or just not feeling well? All of the drawings I've ever seen has the nose outlined.

What's up with the different color noses?

I secretly fear I am one of these.

Just reading that made me cringe.

I don't understand this. I hate eating meals with my cousins- one smacks his lips and chews with his mouth open and has disgusting table manners, but somehow the other cousin is worse despite having good manners. He takes small bites, he chews slowly with his mouth closed, and yet his eating is louder and more…

Oh god, my teeth hurt after just reading that. Cringing so hard.

My mother and salads. I swear to god.

It's the ones who can make a potato chip sound mushy.....and yet super loud. Those people need to be murdered by underpants gnomes.

No, my father was the same way. You could barely take the man out to a restaurant without having to peel him off the ceiling a few times. Made for good entertainment.

Oh my God, everyone I know always acts like I'm the only one on the planet crazy enough to be bothered by loud eaters! Validation! Sweet, sweet validation! Loud chewing seriously makes me want to gouge the chewer's eyes out with a blunt instrument!

Oh christ, who the fuck does that?!

I bit down on a fork accidentally while eating salad once and it was like a tuning rod went off in my head. It was the single most horrible sound and feeling in my mouth ever. Then I looked in the mirror and realized I had chipped a fair amount off my second tooth.

UGH my mother. Sometimes I have to leave the room because I can't HANDLE it but I know it's not her fault and don't want to make her feel bad.

It's like the walls of her mouth are suddenly made of very fine wax paper . EEUUUUGHHH. It sets my teeth on edge.

You are either my wife under an alias, or you know her well

I had a sex dream once about Rick Santorum. Kind of. I was part of a sting operation to prove his family values were bullshit and I was the bait. I literally had an inner monologue in the dream that went something like, "this is for the good of the country... this is for the good of the country...". I have never felt…

Ha!I always have Will Ferrell ones. Whyyyy????

Back cover:

My boss is like this...

It is not you! That is a horror.

What about utensil scraping? I always feel so bad for enamel when people bite down on a fork with an audible "clink" and then pull the fork out while their teeth are still clamped around it. Or is that just a "me peeve"?