Deep, Pete Wentz. Very deep.

If I ever get the chance to hop in a time machine and go back to my freshman year of high school to change my "Away Status" message on AIM, I'm gonna use this gem. Everyone on my Friends List will relate so hard.

Don't even act like you didn't run outside and start hammering rusty nails into your feet every time you got a tetanus booster as a child/preteen.

WE ALL DID IT.

Kids are crazy like that.

Gonna let it slide this time because that other article didn't have a photo of an insane looking tree. Can we talk about the tree? That tree is way more interesting than derpy American sister butts.

Please post tree pics.

in HS one of my friend's dad got charged with being a sex offender for peeing on the side of the road in BFE on a road trip we all took (3 cars total). it was SO STUPID. the fact that he had to hire a lawyer and do all that shit while someone who has actually committed a crime walks free enrages me.

I absolutely agree that the mandatory arrest laws are problematic, especially because studies have shown that death rates for DV are higher with these policies and it isn't protecting victims. But I mentioned it because obviously some cops care do about abuse and even if they didn't, they can't just ignore DV…

Seriously. What's next, Playboy Playmates of the Year/ hosts of 1990s MTV dating shows being considered experts on vaccinations??

If someone beats up their partner, the police doesn't give a damn, until there's one or more dead bodies.

I saw some sparks and molten metal in the ad, I think that means Budweiser is forged brewed THE HARD WAY just like American steel and that one ring in Mordor.

Lipstick,eye liner and blush all replicate female arousal.

I surveyed some invertebrates and it turns out earthworms HATE his position on eye makeup

"I can tell you its relatively common to find THC (marijuana) in the blood after individuals get in front of guns and are shot during homicides." - Dr. Arnall

someone called the main line to report that they could see a wifi named "AGENCY Surveillance Van."

"Styled around a truly authentic looking pizza"

"Made from resin and ground particle mixture which is cast in a silicon mould"

"Hand painted to create a sumptuous clock to grace any kitchen"

Ha, thanks. They're mostly alright but now I'm really careful about what jammies I wear. Don't want to get caught slippin in an old, torn Spongebob nightie next time someone comes knocking.

"Hello, 911? My name is Margaret and someone is threatening me with a wifi name".

Guaranteed this would happen.

Never call 911 if you are halfway through your book and misplace it.

The dispatchers are trained to give you plot spoilers.

I recently had an adult neighbor sprint to my house and pound on my door yelling for police help shortly after I got home from work one morning (I wear a police uniform home and people in the area know who I am so I assumed it was an emergency, got out of bed and answered in my jammies).

Turns out he was out and about…

I hope it doesn't, I was just joking about it bothering me.

I'd probably wedgie anyone who was pedantic enough to correct people/trying to make pizze happen.

This is how I feel when friends say they are ordering "pizzas".

It's "pizze", you fucking cretins! The plural of pizza is pizze, GOD. Now I'm not even hungry for pizza or pizze. Ugh. Just order me me some breadsticks and marinary dipping sauce and tell me how much lira I owe you.