Woooooot! I'd high five my fellow winning klutzes but we'd probably all end up needing stitches and casts.

Going to be lazy from my castle here in Victory Village and just quote something I posted elsewhere on Jezebel back in September because it fits:

If your kids are using cute toothbrushes (useless for adults, by the way—I bought a singing Little Mermaid one and it did nothing for me)

It is sketch to just use black mens' mug shots and to not get rid of them afterward, though. Plus, it would be easy enough to make auto-generated photo composites rather than just xeroxing mug shots

Seriously, what happened to good old monster/alien targets? THEY'RE THE REAL ENEMY.

Probably looking at one person's picture then having to quickly identify and shoot them in a group later.

Like 15 minutes beforehand they might have had to study these individuals photos and remember their facial features and a name (ie Suspect 4) then during target practice the instructor would call out "SUSPECT 4"…

All law enforcement agencies said they only use commercially produced targets, not photos of human beings for target practice.

Not that an apology would be enough, but just wanted to point out that there wasn't an apology.

Not even a "I'm sorry you had to see that" type of non-apology to the Deants.

Nothing.

Don't have time to watch that video I just want to know if you've heard about those blood test reports or not.

Don't know anything about Pulpit and Pen but I'm gonna go ahead and believe you on this because I side-eye anyone who accuses others of lacking "intestinal fortitude".

Is it like that sound in the Aphex Twin video when the monster thing climbs out of a TV and starts screaming at the old lady and the sound goes between a voice and digital screeching?



Just realized this song is called "Come to Daddy" and that was not an intentional pun on my part, I swear.

Erm, well most states don't require blood tests any more. The few that do are just checking for venereal disease.

They're not (and never have been) running your blood/DNA to make sure you're not related to your future spouse.

Yes, at 18, the law declares her fit to consent, but WTF is this dude thinking?

Isn't it a known thing that a teardrop means the person has a murder under his belt?

The name choices (Ira, Edith, Judy, Rita) lead me to believe that the asshole is probably a member of a bridge club.

Shower every day, shower once a week, eh whatever. Can't bring myself to get worked up about frequency of showering or how it correlates (or rather doesn't correlate) to race.

I only ask that everyone tries a 99 cent shampoo brush at least once in their lives. Huge swathes of the population have never experienced the…

My youngest sister and I got booted as bridesmaids from our middle sister's wedding. My 3 year old daughter (the flower girl) got kicked out as well. Originally we'd agreed to be in the wedding party because it was supposed to be a local, low-key ceremony with $100 bridesmaid dresses. Then it morphed into a…

One of my favorite topics for insanity is destination weddings. My gateway into that world was an article on The Angry Bureaucrat during their Wedding Week and they introduced me to http://www.bestdestinationwedding.com/forum/

Pretty much every google search of "are destination weddings selfish/rude/awful/etc" leads…

I'm prepared for incurable shitty joints thanks to Louis CK.

Haha yep, Officer Keith Urban! There are a few videos of people who went back to interview the owner and get more footage of the cat, it loves on everyone. And probably would have happily climbed into the car to snuggle with the driver if he got the chance, check out the video at 1:25

Officer Keith Urban tells the paper the cat didn't dig in with his claws, so he didn't feel any pain.
"It didn't scratch me, not even accidentally, so it didn't really bother me," says Urban. "It was actually kind of nice to have a cat rubbing up on top of my head."