It's from 2009 but oddly you nailed his first name- it's Keith!

Keith Urban.

Seriously, that's his name. Officer Keith Urban.

About 20 seconds after this, he turned to his buddy and said "Now watch me fuck with some firefighters" then darted up a tree.

Why should they indulge in trashcan fires? God gave Arizona that free, hot, sunny weather for a reason.

So that homeless people could fry a couple eggs on the street next to their can of pleasantly sun-warmed beans and a handful of wild dandelion leaves plucked directly from the cracks of Arizona's sidewalks. A hot…

TINY VESTS

Every few years, one of my crazy relatives sends me a cross necklace with a little rock in it "from the place in Bethlehem where Jesus was born!" She knows I'm an atheist but I guess she thinks eventually I'll cave in to the awesome power of cross necklaces with pebbles.

That or maybe she just needs to lay off the…

Says she also wants to ban the ability to use benefits at quick serve establishments- pretty sure that would include places that serve hot/prepared meals like delis at grocery stores? Correct me if I'm wrong.

Because WTF would that have to do with money (as prepared rotisserie chickens are usually cheaper than buying…

"First, let me say, people today love being offended. I think it's a symptom of social media and the feeling of self importance it enables." She adds, "I've had the good fortune to go to Bali multiples times and I can tell you this is exactly what you'd find there."

Seriously. And where are all the spork injury stories? I know people have them, because sporks are the most insidious of all plastic cutlery.

Wish this comment hadn't been dismissed (assuming that's what happened as it's not showing up in the article discussion section anymore). Because you have a really good point and sometimes people need to rethink their cat video/gif timing.

That is such a hardcore response to waking up with a dislocated jaw and super swollen neck/head- "ehhh gonna take some Advil and wait it out".

Goddamn.

Need to keep that remedy in mind because apparently if it happens once it is likely to happen again (*sob*)

No, happened at like 4am when I was home alone. I was in too much pain to drive and couldn't speak (only grunt a little) so phone calls were out, spent about 2 hours googling things like "how to fix a dislocated jaw by yourself" and "can I text 911 for help".

Really glad it didn't happen in a meeting because anyone…

Either way, I'll be avoiding pigs in a blanket and Chex Mix for the foreseeable future.

Me IRL:

This is how I feel about washing your face and having a finger randomly slip up your nose and result in a blood geyser courtesy of a sharp fingernail. It's just, like, normal.

People can live their lives without face scrub induced nose bleeds and random self-punches?? whaaaaaaat

Wizards.

Dislocated my jaw by yawning.

I yawned my face off.

Agreed on screening issues and no repercussions being a problem for some agencies. Third issue: not having more female cops (because studies have repeatedly shown that women are more likely to defuse violent situations without force and usually have better 'people skills').

http://articles.latimes.com/1994-03-21/loc…

A need so strong that they react angrily or violently to citizens they view as treating them with "disrespect" or just not asking "how high" when they say jump.

I think some elderly people are men, too.

He said it was the first gun that he had purchased himself, calling it his "go-to" gun

Hell yes, super long stick straight hair buddy!