Thanks! I was actually thinking of the word "doodads" and don't know why I wrote "jimjams". Maybe I was possessed.

The bribe thing not "done" in the US either but I started trying it a decade ago (awkwardly, like a dork slipping a restaurant hostess a $20 bill to get seated quicker) and it works. People love money everywhere. The $500 amount I suggested was to move into NO PETS apartments with 2 Dobermans (didn't see if you had a…

Have not snuck any in, but I've had amazing success with bribing landlords in many strict NO PETS rentals. Like doubling the security deposit or giving them a flat nonrefundable $500 upfront for their "trouble" and peace of mind. Never once been turned down. Please consider doing that because getting evicted for…

YASSssss, first thought.

A formal letter of resignation, and maybe include an apology for not giving the standard two weeks notice if you think it will help in the future should you need them as a reference. But speaking from experience- a formal/professional letter is key or they could say later that they fired you for not showing up and…

I suggest a hobby that doesn't involve sharp objects.

Wasn't there some blurb in the New Testament about Jesus turning Lucite into wine? Or something about how the disciples all drank champagne from a high heel at the Last Supper and that's why we have Communion...?

I dunno, I'd double check my Bible but it's hard to read any text under all the boobs I doodled in there.…

When I leave fake messages for people I often say my name is "Ervin Pepper, of Pepper Pepper & Bayleaf". It's my go-to random title thanks to The Wire*. Seriously, try saying it out loud. It's so much fun. Pepper of Pepper Pepper and Bayleaf.

Sheesh you really like to see the worst in people, don't you? I feel badly for anyone with such a negative world view. You obviously need God's love too. Please send me your name, address, DOB and social security number so that I may pray for you tonight.

PS- in case anyone doubts that he was going to "pray" outside…

Honestly. And even if he knew their real names, was he really going to add 70+ names to his nightly prayers? Say every one of those 70 names (legal first and last names) out loud? That's fucking weird whether you have their real names or not, it's 70 goddamn people.

The heart wants what the heart wants.

Sometimes it wants to liquefy into an infectious sludge and leak out of your orifices. Love is unpredictable like that.

An urban legend, yes. It's been around since the story involved finding the photo in a developed roll of printed film. But at the same time the legend is so popular that I'm sure people have read it and thought "Hahaha I'm going to do that next time I go camping and come across strangers' tents!" It's exactly the sort…

Oh really? Well can you get past THIS??

Gotta use those deadbolts and chain latches and maybe prop a chair up under the door handle, just to be safe.

Basically- don't settle in for the night until your hotel room entrance resembles the set of Home Alone.

Huh, interesting. Had to google that. Sounds like djinns are fabled to be made out of smoke and fire. The man was neither, just an average creepy fucking humanoid thing with reverse bending joints. I dunno... maybe someone who has more knowledge on djinns can answer?

PS- Is it better if the answer is yes or no?? o.O

Thanks! Been waiting years to share this but I had to get the OK in case it was still "classified" somehow. Honestly the most terrifying part was hearing this story told in-person, because my husband is the world's worst storyteller and it takes an hour for him to relay anything so I was sure it was going to end with…

Ditto when I lived in the city. Random people or neighbors, usually drunk (I hope?), or a lost kid trying to open my door. This is why I discourage jumpy people from owning guns.

My sister recently went camping and was going on and on about being afraid of ghosts/serial killers in the woods and how she was bringing a…

Never seen one myself but I have a story from someone I trust. A few years ago, I asked my SO if he had ever seen a ghost. He got really uncomfortable and squirrelly, lots of hemming and hawing. Annoyed, I said "Just say yes or no! I won't judge if you think you have seen a ghost." (I'm a skeptic and figured he didn't…

OK great, now can we make running shoes look less stupid?

I went shopping for a pair of gym shoes today and finding a pair of sneakers that don't look like UFO's splashed with neon unicorn vomit is virtually impossible.

Sometimes I think I'm the only one who has ever seen An Officer And A Gentleman.

The classiest option is to swallow the ring. Always swallow the ring.