The word “Mansplain” makes me think of the Rick and Morty world where all proper nouns begin with schmla for some reason:

“Did you accidentally pick up your husband’s magazine?”

Relax, Natalie. People hate The Phantom Menace way more than they hate Garden State.

It's like she only knows phrases, not individual words.

For almost three weeks I worked at a subway in a not great part of a not great town. The manager decided that even though I was just a 16 year old girl, I could be totally alone for the last hour of some nights. This is also the early 90’s, so no cell phones. They had a phone by the cash register and one in back, but…

1) Use the coupons for the hottest salsa you can get.

My family originates from Irish peasant stock, which contributes to a somewhat no-nonsense attitude to death. When I was about six, my grandfather died in Ireland. Far-flung sons, daughters and their families gathered for the funeral.

Oh GOD, I’ve just remembered the one my sister told me about the boy she had a crush on at High School. Bear with me, it’s a long one. It’s also a wee bit painful.

This is kinda triggering for me, bc we are almost at the 30-year mark. It’s probably not funny, or strange, but it will be cathartic to write.

The summer before I turned 13 my boobs came in and my uncle died. Because of my rapidly developing body, I didn’t have any clothes to wear to the funeral, so my mom had to take me clothes shopping. She would lose her patience with me pretty rapidly, so I ended up buying a ton of ill-fitting grey items and a bra (for…

I was about ten, and my mom’s best friend’s mother died. She was a miserable old bitch, best pictured as a cross between Tony Soprano’s mom and Mrs. Burn’s mom. Just awful and did nothing but spew hatred at everyone.

Alright, I obviously was not there, but this is one of the best funeral/memorial stories I’ve heard to date:

I basically babbled. Something along the lines of, “I’m so glad he has such an open minded and loving family, but I’m not a sex worker and I really only know him from the amazing stories my new coworkers tell me. I’m so sorry for your loss, and I’m sure I would’ve loved him but maybe not that way but maybe that way…

So a week after I started this job, a guy who no longer worked at the publication I worked for died in a car accident. I never met him, and he was a copy editor so it wasn’t like I was familiar in any way with him through what he wrote.
But nevertheless, the EOC said everyone needed to go. So I went. And somehow the…

It’s Curt Schilling!

Good. Let’s start this. I grew up in the lower peninsula then spent four years in the upper. I can honestly say that every stereotype about racist, hillbilly, backwards, inbred, uneducated, shit-kicking imbeciles applies to yoopers. The upper peninsula is a stretch of trees broken by a two lane highway interspersed…

Oh, hey, maybe they’ll actually play guys like Shamarko Thomas and Stephon Tuitt and let them develop into serviceable player

OH MY GOD IS THAT TRUE?!

I’m amazed — AMAZED — the author uses three names to identify himself.

This is the hand that abruptly ends....