So.....want a cat? I’ve got an extra!

Cuddle me, human!

Cats sleep 16 hours, but then spend the other 8 running around like wild lunatics, yowling at the top of their lungs and jumping on totally appropriate things, like my kidneys. Those other 8 hours tend to be between 10pm and 6am.

Ours used to go downstairs until we were done. It’s not something we taught him, he literally started it on day one.

It’s the small ones that get you. Former gbgf’s 100 lb monster slept curled in a tiny ball below her. Prior to that, her pug managed to take up an entire queen sized bed.

Mine feels the need to walk over all my weak spots ALL DAMN NIGHT. Then he eventually wraps himself around my head because he apparently decided I like that and get no say in the matter.

I’ll be running on the ticket with Giant Pissed Off Sentient Meteor, 2018. First time in 100 years that voting down ticket is morally correct!

Nothing bright is on the horizon, but I do love some Rodney

Welp, gf and I are separated after six and a half years. Blind sided the hell out of me. Clearly it’d been on her mind for a while.

Gbgf and I separated on Sunday, and I started drinking again after 8 months. Missed whiskey apparently, so that’s a good thing?

Even the bust in the background is tired of all their shit.

Is it #TeamVacantProperty just another way of saying #TeamSwift?

Goddamn kids and their Dubstep Dressage!

Would that even do anything? It’d prob have to be underage male Democrats for his base to even bat an eyelash..

We’re more fucked sideways than your average porn. Best to loved what the least can give.

Definitely. I’ve given my share of yougooglies over the years and some times, the dead just don’t know they’ll die in a freak gasoline fight accident.

This is too professional. Tim’s version....hoooly shit. Imagine those 3 guys playing that in front of a mock ‘The Wall(tm)’ on the steps of Congress while Mueller is unleashing his findings.

Alternate headline: 20 Year Old Dick Dicking Over Dicks For Not Supplamenting His Dick

Imagining the trumpet playing the key notes as Dotard is escorted from the Oval Office may give me first good night’s sleep in years.

I want to crowdfund a mariachi band to play them all out.