I appreciate the difference between children and women. It can be hard to fondl....er...I mean hard to gras....wait. It’s not as easy to feel ou....

Psh, with that kind of attitude, I think we need to have a chat in my office. Please come down. Then turn back, and walk away. Slowly. Then come back.

He’s found, much to his displeasure, that they develop from children into women. Gross!

The Curse Of Sexy Owl strikes again! (But seriously, fuck anyone that rapes or molests. There is no excuse ever.)

‘Country over party’ only works when you’re not a cunt. Jeff Flake, I’m looking at you.

There were bad Nazis that killed Jews, and good Nazis that just wanted Jews to stop existing (by killing Jews)

BABY OTTERS!

Fuck it, may as well just go all in an build a monument to the ‘good Germans’ that died during WWII at the embassy.

That clock spider is a common enough term for Australians to recognize means they should all be banned. And nuked. And probably banned after the nuking just to be safe.

“Too bad THE ONE COUNTRY WE’VE EVER GOTTEN TERRORISTS FROM IS NOT ON THE GODDAMNED LIST.”

Everyone knows an accused pedophile can be a bit of a wild card. It’s the confirmed pedophile that you can put your trust in!

“I don’t need butterflies and crystals that are visible through my shirt”

Will definitely work. My other suggestion was going to be to stalk obsessively, but the face riding text felt a little less restraining order-y

I had planned on a nice afternoon masturbation session, and instead I’m now surrounded by sad tissues.

He’s one of those skeevy overpass trolls. They’re quite a bit more bizarre than your regular bridge troll.

Someone told me that before (I have to talk to Frito Lay folks fairly often in my job). I still cant call it cheese dust because I refuse to believe it’s actual cheese, lol.

Your building is obviously haunted by the ghost of every Sex In The City character.

If it helps, you also sold Cheetos to adults as well! My gf’s face is coated in orange Cheeto dust more often than not.

Go in like a wrecking ball and tell him you want to ride his face! Either he’s all about it, or you go to the old standby: “Lol, stupid autocorrect! Meant to say hey”

Karate chop her in the fallopian tube and cackle like a maniac and thus begin your descent into evil witchdom.