Sell her to some rich Saudi Arabian. It’s the only way.

So intolerant! You’re forgetting the nice Nazis that only killed the sneaky Jews!

Jerry gets a winky face star. Obviously.

Welp, at least the villain from The Fifth Element is still alive and kickin’, I guess...

This takes me back to the good old days when a dollar was worth a dollar and I used to smoke crack.

Ugh, preach! I remember the time I hit Powerball, but apparently you had to fill out some weird tax form and I was all like, nah.

I’d prefer Mueller, or even more delicious, Obama.

We should probably build a wall between us and Egypt, just to be safe.

Fuck that (not that I have anything against Kaepernick, but because;) give it to Obama.

Nice try, snowflake. But you’re completely ignoring how many times Obummer stayed at Obama Hotel & ....er...EMAILS!

You’re such a naive sheeperson.

I’m personally thrilled that President Golfynonstop McPussygrabber is so dedicated to doing his job.

If only. Weed made the brain go into asshole-mode overdrive as I got older and I quit smoking several years ago.

Like...even presidents refer to themselves as FORMER PRESIDENT. And (all currently living) ones have the distincti0n of having completed their terms.

You have a strong, close knit support network that will always help and do everything then can to get you to where you need to be.

These past 6 months sober reminded me why I drank in the first place. I crawl into bed, close my eyes, and my brain decides that’s an appropriate time to start rattling off everything stressing me out in life.

“You are feeling feelings and that can’t ever be stupid”

Idk how he gets to keep referring to himself as judge. He’s not a judge.

I’m concerned that someone will steal my identity, then subsequently suffer the crushing, demoralizing defeat of being turned down by every credit card company.

I’d consider buying it. That way, after the gf murders me for buying a 4000 Sq ft house with 14 rooms to clean, some unlucky ass is going to have to deal with a ghost named glitterbomb farts.