Yeah, but did you SEE that cheeseburger emoji?

I live in perpetual fear of the next Bowling Green Massacre.

Ellie’s such a jerk reporter. Orange Stained Splooge Tube Sock only picked the best people, he has the best people, for systematically dismantling the Naz...er...Republican Party, from the inside.

He should take half of Chloe’s candy so she knows what it’s like to have a criminal father imprisoned with his assets frozen and can’t leech off tax loopholes anymore.

See: white.

“I’ve had many relationships with criminal organizations and lobbyists over the years. I now choose to live as 110% royally fucked”

There’s also that whole giving aid and comfort part. A foreign government interfering with our democratic process directly classifies said government as an enemy. And he’s being charged as acting as a foreign agent.

“Also, Crackle keeps touching my stuff and Snap is a mean jerk face.”

Goddamn, I hope he tries. Who would’ve imagined Nixon and Stupider Nixon would become a sliding scale

Treason can’t be pardoned. But it’ll be stupid funny when Dotard posts it on Twitter and then tries to.

Mueller setting the stage:

“Whoever, owing allegiance to the United States, levies war against them or adheres to their enemies, giving them aid and comfort within the United States or elsewhere, is guilty of treason and shall suffer death, or shall be imprisoned not less than five years and fined under this title but not less than $10,000; and…

Did Auburn get a lot of home runs from free kicks this year? Hooray! Sport!

It was on one of those other tablets Moses dropped after ‘burning bush’ on his way down the mountain.

Psh, I totes get where her uncle is coming from. Why, just the other day my gf and I were driving to her parents house, and some black person or persons had the audacity to pass us in one of the accompanying highway lanes!

That’s cool. I didn’t wanna sleep for the next 3 days anyhow.

Legalizing gay marriage is a gateway marriage that leads to crack marriage and then you sucking dicks on the street to afford a hit!

I’m not saying to punch them all in the taint, because that’d be encouraging violence, which is wrong. All I’m saying is, sometimes assholes get punched in the taint when they’re doing asshole things.

Freak-auto-erotic-asphyxiation accident. Happens to the best of us.

Sweet, turning legally protected asylum seekers into illegal immigrants. Good job 45, you romping sack of week old shit masquerading as a human.