So....just following orders, right? Huh. That sounds vaguely familiar. Now where did I hear that excuse used thousands of times. Hmmm.

I’m praying that none of the poor, innocent guns were harmed during this shooting.

I just o-faced thinking about which would be funnier:

White Jesus wants you to responsibly handle dick supplements

Fran Drescher.

Apparently shooting over the Pole makes us pretty reachable.

“Gentle” pressure my ass

I’m working on a theory that involves an evil spirit in the car, two furries, a pool raft fucker and a significant Beanie Baby collection.

I’m praying with their powers combined, Tswizzles and Katy Perry form some kind of Captain Basic Bitch that shames both crusty tube sock leaders back into place.

When the rockets roar in, I shall turn a tearful and tired eye towards the sky as my lips pass their final whisper of, ‘Fucking Dotard.’

Okay Spike, now sniff around the Sandusky residence....

It isn’t awkward enough by itself. Needs to be complimented by the world’s largest black Santa collection!

Yes, President Whale Semen, your unlawful travel bans are being sniped down because they’re ‘not politically correct,’ and not at all because they’re, you know, unlawful.

“Although this thing keeps coming back from the dead, I think the circumstances this time make actually pound a stake in its heart.”

I would ppv the shit out of a John Cena v Blobfish Cruz fight.

‘Hundreds of coordinated individuals challenge local Peace Officers in violent dance battle. Peace Officers, unsure of what a walk off is, gun down dancing terrorists; Satan?’

I think it was probably PARE. They PARE down Daniel. Goddamn ac.

Abortion doctors should steal it any time someone gives them shit. We’ve all see The Omen.

Sure, they destroyed a memorial to the dead, but they did it whimsically, so it’s okay!

Reenactment of the event: