Your honor, I would like to refer to the groundbreaking ruling in the case of EpiPen vs EPICPENIS

I’m hoping they use the Autocorrect Defense.

“We’ve consulted the local police union, and at their suggestion, the four involved Chads have been placed on paid academic leave.”

“the only people Satan killed in the bible were Job’s family”

Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, Crackle.

I would DIE if Mueller mega-trolled Cheetolini and said ‘two weeks from a date we’ll announce...’

Hope Hicks is what you look like when you decide being pussy grabbed is cool as long as you get a pay check and your boss compliment slut shaming.

As a 29 year old former alcoholic...I’d say excessive goat fucking under a full moon, and also excessive goat fucking regardless of moon phase?

Probably just got contaminated from her....whatever.

Fortunately the OGE just said using campaign funds to hire hitmen on investigators is cool so it’s all good. And with that whole ‘Russia thing’ out of the way, Officer Orange would like some donations* to help offset the cost of his birther investigators. Somehow, they were apparently assassinated juuuuuust as they…

He’s using the Chemtrails disguised as hurricanes to trick gun owners in Texas to flee to FEMA death camps so he can melt the guns down and restructure them into steel beams, that way he can test more effective jet fuels on them so his next 9/11 is flawless! He should have done more as President during 9/11.

This is yet another case of the fake news flagrantly using photoshop to manipulate media.

Because us white men do that shit all the time? It’s just with the added caveat of making sure it’s understood that it’s ‘us men’ and ‘those men.’

Listed on their resumes as “broadening peers’ horizons”

I’m in Gloucester County and cannot understand the traitor flags.

There were a lot of people. Good people, on both sides. Except clowns. Fucking clowns, haven’t they seen IT?

I harbor a hidden fantasy where hoards of Juggalos attack Nazis with magnets because, maybe, that’s how they work?

“I Hung Out With Juggalos”

Listen, you. He’ll take the niggers and the chinks, but they don’t want the Irish!

Tangerine Stroke should be the official medical term for when your heart/body fails due to the world not conforming to your assholism