“I drive an automatic to keep my hands free for texting your wife.” I’ll have to keep that one in store.

Amy Schumer

#neverforget

A vagina hug.

Dang, Obama’s crowd didn’t just extend all the way back to the Washington monument, it was also girthy af.

I can confirm this. They have heat-leeching properties, heretofore unseen in nature. Good for summers, terrible for everything else.

1) This meme is beautiful.

Mine TOTES was...

I went to a gay bar called the Uppity Vagina.

Thanks for keeping us in check. 😂

Do you also correct people who refer to the Affordable Care Act as Obamacare?

It could have been worse — someone could have broken into her garage and left her a second Saturn Vue.

“Long live the king.” (via Imgur)

WHY DID I PUSH PLAY. WHY.

There’s nothing like a good cackle in the morning...

Should I be concerned that my two year old was holding a plastic knife from her kitchen set and saying ‘baby salad? baby salad?’

I mean, the majority probably stab someone at least one time. Kids are vicious little jerks but they’re thankfully not super effective stabbers when they’re little.

You win.