glitterbombfarts
GlitterbombFarts
glitterbombfarts
Jan 28 2019
96

And I just want a machine gun, a tank, and a bomb to complete my weapon collection. What an argument! 

Jan 24 2019
5

“My cousin’s best friend took her baby for vaccines, and eighteen years later, he was eaten by a tiger!”

Jan 23 2019
57

Those aren’t what I’d call ‘strong’ mustaches.

Jan 22 2019
6

Tee-hee!  Honestly, sometimes I’d just settle for rule of the scientists.  At least they will not govern via conspiracy theories.

Jan 18 2019
1

Exactly... that’s what they do.  Every news channel is chasing breaking news, and if you turn to FOX, it’ll be discussing the war on christmas, an illegal immigrant stealing food, CLINTON CLINTON CLINTON, OBAMA, OBAMA, OBAMA....But never ever the breaking news the makes Dump look bad.

Jan 18 2019
5

My next D&D character is going to be named Hogan Gidley now.

Jan 16 2019
1

Us too....it’s a fucking mess. OPM already takes forever for background checks, and now we have this. It’s thrown all sorts of fun wrenches into our system.

Jan 15 2019
29

Hamberders are expensive.

Jan 14 2019
21

Fuck you, Jupiter, with your “I have my own gravitational pull” bullshit. All bodies with mass have their own gravitational pull. It’s call elementary principles of Newtonian physics. Read more

Jan 12 2019
22

You can open for my band, Too Late for Kegels. 

Jan 12 2019
15

Expecto patronum...?

Jan 6 2019
88

I’m not even sure it’s alive in the photo. 

Dec 30 2018
6

She is seconds away from baring her teeth and hissing like a pissy cat.

Dec 30 2018
6

That’s the most authentic smile I’ve seen from her. 

Dec 22 2018
8

I could totally see that happening. He’s absolutely stupid enough to pay for it.

Dec 19 2018
67

Gingerbread men/women/people are pretty much all gender neutral unless you’re making some anatomically correct cookies Read more

Dec 17 2018
151

We dread the destruction that will come when the bulldozers arrive, which could be as early as February. That loud, heavy machinery will cause irreparable damage to the habitat we’ve worked so hard to restore. Read more

Dec 7 2018
61

You could have slept with Sarah Huckabee? Not my cup of tea but you do you Rear Admirial, you sly dog.

Nov 30 2018
208

My ejaculation was violent. Before anybody could react it had already broken a beer bottle and threatened the bartender. When somebody tried to deescalate the situation, my ejaculation grabbed them by the throat and threw them onto the beer splattered floor. Later on my ejaculation was seen entering a convenient Read more