Not to discredit any of his clients or downplay what they’ve gone through, but who the hell is hiring Avenatti and not telling him, at any opportunity, “Go for the throat”

“You’ve been charged with four counts of serial horseplay. How do you plead?”

Skeletor needs to fuck right back off to whichever Bowling Green Massacre she crawled out of.

Also there’s not nearly ENOUGH random THINGS capitalized.

I knew he thought that but how can he actually say it?

My friend Whiskey would like to weigh in. I’ll point you in his vague direction. Hopefully.

Witches are a walk in the park compared to dealing with the wrath of the Beyhive.

I’m not sure anyone is too old for the Batman thing.

Man was in quotes anyhow, so we can’t be sure.

Farm-To-Lungs is all the rage these days.

He sentences bigly. Love lamp.

one of the wettest we’ve ever seen from the standpoint of water

but to accuse her of being crazy and too basic for “kinky sex”

Dear Drake,

Also not to mention: horseplay? The fuck?

Prince is alive! ILLUMINATI!

Michelle is (rightly so) too classy to shoot a subtle tweet hinting that Barack is hung like an elephant, but that would be so fantastic.

I’m possibly not born. Depends how late in the 80's we’re purging to.

None of this fighting irradiated mutant zombies for radioactive food and water for me, thanks.

#FakeHurricane is my new favorite conspiracy of choice.