I didn’t “steal” them, they’re a human being who made their own choice.

Splinter: THIS PERSON IN WITNESS PROTECTION GOT THE COOLEST NEW NAME!

“MY NAME IS OFFICER PISTORIUS AND I’M HERE TO PERFORM A WELFARE CHECK!”

Would watch.

There’s an old saying, passed down through my family for I couldn’t even tell you how long, that I feel is appropriate to share with you all: Fuck Trump.

*BIBLE SPOILERS*

You honestly think his rabid followers wouldn’t be screaming about how the DNC poisoned Dotard and Chemtrails Illuminati Pizzagate BENGHAZI!

Counterpoint: It’d be fucking glorious if Tiff was the first to flip.

That actually sounds awful, lol.

Girl in the red dress wants to upstage Ellen sooo bad.

I just want her to explain, in no uncertain terms, what a ‘dick bicycle’ is once and for all, then I’ll give her my blessing (which I’m sure she’s waiting on).

Uzicorn....*snickers*

If we want people to be killed in prison, we should just hang them, rather than pretend we’re not responsible as a society for their deaths.

It’s only a matter of time until we’re subjected to a Bigfooted Alien Pickers colab.

but mine would wake me up if my house was on fire.

Psh, I’m running for office on the Thunderdome Platform! Every school gets one! Uzbekistan is paying for ‘em!

Librul pussy! You sound like some dipshit that never played COD and realized you can dual wield!

I’m sure they would love to read this,

“Sure, my grandpa may have been a Jew that fled Europe to escape the Nazi regime. And yeah, maybe he lead a productive life, both as an individual and as a benefit to the country he came to call his own, that birthed my parents and myself in succession, leading to my privileged current existence that lets me stand…

You should[n’t] see some of the troll replies I dismissed about how their and everyone they know’s family emigrated legally (while also not knowing the distinction). All about how ‘small my social circle is.’