When I was Christmas shopping last year, I asked my little brother what he wanted, and he said a Lamborghini.

YES LEWIS AND SERENA YESSSSSSS

Corporate Kindness tastes sort of like Compassionate Conservative. No thanks.

I’ve seen that skateboarding dog before. I’ve even taken pictures of it. It loves that skateboard.

So, you’re telling me that if I say Trump 2016, someone will give me wonderful peanut butter?????

Did anyone see if they were wearing striped t-shirts?????

I wonder if she watched the same debate I did last night, where Wallace was intentionally framing questions in a conservative manner/from a conservative perspective. He was throwing alley-oops to Trumpington all night, and dude couldn’t dunk any of them. Biased media might be right, but, you know, when it’s your side…

Rub Beano all over them!

Can I still ride them down the stairs when I’m drunk?

“He continued, welcoming sexual harassment victims to contact the mods privately for support.”

Maybe tortoises are quicker than we thought?

The best-sports-non-sports-movie is “Snatch”.

• A little extendable tongue for performing oral sex on demand.

“I can’t believe they ruined the feng shui I had on the tour bus. This is, like, THE WORST.”

Dan Blizerian is such an unbelievable tool. And I have Facebook friends (guys) who like his EVERY move. Had to block posts from him, and them too. Gah.

I hate the future

Damn, poor bald white dudes with goatees and wraparound-sunglasses-even-though-it’s-2016-you-backwards-idiot.

The subway already sucks enough without people having to throw bugs all over the place. Jeez, just put your headphones in and ignore everyone like the rest of us!

Code Brown?