Jezebelians, I’m freaking out. I’ve been applying to law schools and I’ve started getting accepted and rejected. The rejection sucks, but what sucks worse is that I’m freaked out about what’s wrong with my safeties and I’m freaked out at the idea of leaving my hometown. I don’t know, I could just really go for hearing…

Oh god damn it, it’s not? Well isn’t my face red.

You aren’t wrong. Carmen Sandiego is my style icon.

Wasn’t Martin Sheen pretty wild in his younger days? Wasn’t he notably bananas on the set of Apocalypse Now? He appears to have changed, and good for him, but Charlie Sheen didn’t pull this behavior completely out of nowhere and it’s not entirely surprising, given that substance abuse can have a genetic component.

Well, you see, he IS the first amendment and it’s his work product so...

I know this sounds crazy, but I actually think this one’s in it for the long haul. I mean, she’ll let him run around on her no problem, it gives him a good reason why he can’t marry his mistresses, and she seems to have remained relatively pliable and willing to do whatever the fuck he says, so why not? She’s…

In my head, this is the truth.

As my mother once said to someone who was haranguing her about ‘only eating organic’ and ‘essential herbs,’ “hemlock is organic, should I be eating that?”

The Republicans are like someone who trained their dog to be aggressive and bite anything that moves and now they’re surprised that it’s turned on them.

These are people who seem to think that they can bring Leave It To Beaver and I Love Lucy to life. Like they’re just going to run around having misadventures with their best friend while wearing a kicky dress as their husband looks on fondly. They have no idea what the historical reality of the 50s and 60s look like,…

I have never, ever been so glad to live in a state that is solidly liberal and close to the Canadian border.

I’m curious if this would actually qualify as a legal rental. Pretty much every state specifies that you have to have a door and a window that a person can fit through in the event of an emergency.

I don’t know why, but your use of the word “credenza” just made me laugh.

Not to mention the majority aren’t voting for Bernie (otherwise he’d be winning.) That gives me no cause to think that there would be enough popular support to wage a revolution. Instead this just comes off sounding like a temper tantrum that this particular political camp didn’t get their way.

Whenever I speak to Sanders voters who say they won’t vote for Clinton in the general, but would rather go third party knowing that it will almost certainly deliver a victory to the Republicans, I’m reminded of this conversation from the movie Argo. I’m not saying Hillary is a bad idea (I actually like her and voted…

I just want to print this comment and hand it to people every time I hear this bullshit argument.

WOW. Okay, first of all.

I mean, I wouldn’t sleep with Pitbull for other reasons, but yeah, generally speaking. You get my drift.

Men who can dance are sexy, what can I say?

Oh, also Donald O’Connor and Gene Kelly, but only if I could somehow manage to get them in their Singin’ In The Rain prime. And Larry Hagman if I could figure out how to get him while he was still Major Anthony Nelson.