Somewhere in the neighborhood of LOLNOPE.

Carly Fiorina: Unlike another woman in this race I actually like spending time with my husband.
Hillary Clinton: Unlike another woman in this race I actually like being competent at my job.

I don’t know what infuriates me more - the actual words coming out of Ted Cruz’s mouth or the fact that he’s making me side with Donald Trump.

Can Jed Bartlett run? Yeah, I know he’s fictional, but he’s still gotta be better than any of these rotting assclowns, right?

Ahhhh of course. Now I know what to do when the cyborg army comes for us.

There would be something wrong with you if you didn’t constantly want to belt Donald Trump in the face.

This is all very true. But, if my assumption that most people who are in favor of Trump don’t get that he’s playing by a different, generally more favorable set of rules, it still doesn’t negate the fact that his ability to get people to give him money doesn’t say jack shit about his business sense. I think the…

Backpfeifengesicht, personified.

I might be wrong, but I was under the impression he was doing most of his aggressive building when banks were willing to lend money to anyone who could fog a mirror. Plus Trump is a bit of a special case because of his celebrity and image. But broadly speaking, filing bankruptcy will mess up your credit.

Except that it does impact your creditworthiness and there are tons and tons of successful businesses that have never had to file. I would argue there are more successful businesses that have not filed than successful businesses that have filed. Besides that, I imagine the accountants and lawyers for the business…

MULLAHTS

What I got from this was “Dear Republicans, please stop being a hateful bigot towards me so that we can join up and together be hateful bigots towards others.”

Of everything I hate the most about Republicans, the bastardization of socially liberal and fiscally conservative is pretty high up there. To me, being fiscally conservative means spending money where it matters and spending effectively, and not spending stupid money where it isn’t necessary. I’m all for gay marriage,…

Wishing for the best of luck for you on this one. My dad used to be a smoker and he quit just before I was born. He cleared 70 last year, so it does matter!

I’m so sorry to hear that he needs cancer. Best of luck and I hope everything goes as well as is possible.

PLEASE STOP MAKING ME CRY. Oh my god, this breaks my nerd-child heart. RIP Alan Rickman.

Pretty sure they took truth out behind the woodshed and shot it with one of their Second Amendment Guns.

“Malarkey, bitch.”

How fucking salty does Paul Ryan look right now? He looks like he has never hated his life more, which makes me tremendously happy.

I feel this insane amount of sympathy relief. Like he’s been carrying all these heavy suitcases and has been traveling forever and now he just gets to take them off and fall into bed and he is just so. goddamned. relieved.