Donald Trump, at least, should graduate summa cum loud as fuck and his diploma should be lettered with only the classiest, most expensive gold leaf.

I got Mike Huckabee. Excuse me, I have to go drown myself in my own tears.

Important question: Exactly how ‘shopped is JLo’s picture? Is that the Barbara Walters filter? Also - who is drunkest in that picture? My money is on Kate Hudson.

He’s just huggin’ him extra tight ‘round the neck parts!

Starred for “stoned elf.”

Ugh, can’t we just cast Harrison Ford and all take enough drugs that to us he looks that young again? Hell, they could just cast Harrison Ford and be like “he’s playing a twenty year old” and I’d just be like “ok, sure.” Because all of these potential suggestions are just tragic.

No one has ever been able to satisfactorily explain to me why I should spend my hard-earned money to have two weeks on board confined space when I could have basically the same experience on land, but for cheaper.

Now that’s the kind of efficient, price-conscious thinking we need around here.

Oh, crap. What if I’m not nice?

Can I hang with you at your table. I have never found his acting to be anything noteworthy and he was too pretty when he was a young boy and now he just seems so skeevy that I can’t get around that. A big ol’ nope sandwich, for me.

Round two, because Paul LePage deserves two rounds:

Ok, perhaps you can answer a question for me. When writing about a person I always want to use the appropriate noun. I know RuPaul has not indicated a gender preference in terms of pronoun, so I’ve always referred to Ru as “she” when Ru is in drag and “he” when out. Is this correct?

Same plastic surgeon.

I want RuPaul to life coach me. I feel like he says so much spot-on truth. Plus he would up my sequin game significantly.

I think the other part of the argument was that Sarah had announced her other pregnancies much earlier than she announced Trig and been very open about her other pregnancies, but she got all secretive when it came to Trig and so lots of people thought she was hiding something.

Pretty sure they spin the shotgun and whatever the bullet hits, that’s what they name the baby.

Proposed: Women should be allowed to wear hats but the station should hold a contest. At the end of winter, most bananas hat wins. Like, you start off the year low-key, maybe a mohawk hat or a Joan Collins turban. By the end of the year you’re wearing a lime green turban and rocking Grace Jones glasses or whatever.

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I just watched Working Girl the other week and I know it’s so petty but her voice irritated me to no end in that movie. She sounded so soft and timid and I knew she was supposed to be but that’s the way Melanie Griffith seems to talk in every interview or every other role I’ve ever seen her in.

Krasinski + Colbert. Would, so hard.