My reaction upon reading this article:

Five minute trial:

Worth the risk. *fans self*

I mean, I’m definitely a little scared of Martha but I respect the hell out of her. She worked as a stockbroker, which has never been a field welcoming to women, and she ran a damn empire. And she’s self-made. I doubt we’d be BFFs but I respect the hell out of her hustle.

Joke’s on him, then, because I’m a Jew so he can’t be Special Friends with Jesus!

Happy birthday, Ted Cruz! Here’s hoping there’s a soul for you in this year’s crop of presents!

He is, at a minimum, also more articulate.

Bless Jim Henson and his wonderful creation of Sesame Street.

I found this gif and it makes me happy and I’ve been wanting to share it and I feel like this is the moment.

Is Kevin Brown, the actor who plays Dot Com, okay?

I mean, it’s not like past presidents haven’t sneaked their sidepieces into the White House. Although in the sad honest truth of the matter, I think Lindsey knows his party will never accept him as a gay man and as long as he wants to be in politics, he can’t be out. He knows it and it seems like he’s accepted a life…

You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me, Ohio. This is bullshit. Bullshit bullshit bullshit. This is government interference at its absolute worst. This is not small government. This is controlling, intimidating, expensive bullshit meant to make it harder for women to receive healthcare (because that’s what an abortion is)…

Aunt Hilda and Aunt Zelda 4ever

“I fell into her vagina.”

Has anyone seen Daniel Day Lewis in a minute?

Is this some sort of weird performance art piece that I don’t fully understand? Come to think of it, is Carly Fiorina some sort of weird performance art piece that I don’t fully understand?

From someone who has to say it every damn day, a native’s guide to pronunciation: pew-AL-lup. Also Sequim is just pronounced “squim.” For reasons.

But rhetoric isn’t dangerous, RIGHT EVERYBODY?!

Would not marry for all of Rupert Murdoch’s money.

I’m gonna let Larry Wilmore speak on my behalf.