Beautifully said. I went to school with kids who tested off the charts. One kid had completed every math course Stanford had to offer by the time he was sixteen. What these kids didn't have was the sense God gave a cat not to play in traffic. I mean that literally. They would run out into traffic on a major…

This is the most difficult game of Death Is Not An Option that I've played in years.

Oh ffs, let us review:

This is for you.

My grandma is kind of the best. I was worrying because the mother of a friend had started needling me about having babies and my grandma's response was "ehhhh you're fine just the way you are. Don't have babies until you want to." She's also pro-Planned Parenthood and she pro-public library.

Teaching slang to my mom is fun but nothing compares to teaching it to my grandma. You haven't lived until you've heard a teeny little ninety year old Jewish lady tell you that her iPhone is blowing up. Followed five minutes later by her announcing that she "broke the Facebook."

Can we hang out? I just want to listen to all your stories.

This. This all day. Good for her for being magnanimous and rising above it and forgiving him, but he did not make a mistake and he deserves to face consequences.

Without a doubt, one of my favorite memories was my in freshman year when my high school called my mother because I was dressed "inappropriately" (I was not. I'm 5'3" and was a 34DDD by sophomore year. I had cleavage no matter what I wore. For some reason my tank top was a problem but other girls wearing a halter top…

Seriously and honestly I get Cara Delivigne and Adam Levine mixed uo a the time. One is a skinny woman who always looks cranky and has done coke and the other is a skinny dude who usually looks cranky and gas probably done coke.

U GUISE, LET'S BRING BACK MEASLES/POLIO/WHOOPING COUGH. THAT SHIT WAS MEGA FUN, RIGHT?!

Question: the skeezy bar by my house that is full of dudes wearing suits and slicked back hair - secret cloning lab?

Oh God, roommates. Once I was living in a house where the landlord's daughter turned out to also be living there without a formal lease. The daughter's boyfriend brought over his cat to give it a flea bath, unbeknownst to the rest of us. I lived in the basement and there must have been a cracked sewer line because I…

How apropos as mine was just a few weeks back. It was your classic breakdown - nothing in particular but everything all at once.

You inspired me to do more research to defend my thoughts and it helped me create a more nuanced position, so thank you. (Not sarcasm.)

It might be challenged but I'm not sure on what grounds, exactly. Neither hate speech nor genuine threats are a protected class of speech. Singing about lynching or referring to people as a horrible racist slur associated with murder, intimidation, and torture probably won't get anywhere with the courts.

I'm sick as shit of religious exemptions. The Quakers don't get to pay lower taxes because they object to war and a portion of their taxes go to our military. Not to mention that they're an institution receiving federal funding so I'm fresh out of fucks for their desire for special treatment.

SAE's nickname at my college was "Sexual Assault Expected." And now hearing all these stories about all these different chapters and the bullshit coming from them you can't convince me that this organization isn't rotten from stem to stern. I absolutely believe that the home office or whatever they call it is…

Sometimes I think about buying myself a diamond ring because I like diamonds. But then I get all worked that I'll just be distracted all day by how sparkly my diamond is.

If I could address the Graham cracker for a moment: come out, homey! The outfits are better and Pride is a fuckin' time.