"I promise to promise to marry you someday. " I have literally never understood the point. I love jewelry. I can stare at sparkly things for a weirdly long amount of time (I am basically a magpie). But promise rings are bulllshiiiit. You want to get engaged? The do that. You don't want to get engaged? GOOD NEWS, you…

Ugh, I just find myself utterly at a loss with the GOP as a whole. I believe in a federal government that is only as large as it needs to be, but let's not kid ourselves about what the GOP stands for these days. They write laws that add unbelievable obstacles for a large portion of our country yet they claim to love…

Did you know that owning a plumbing business is a surprisingly effective way to make a million dollars? People are always going to need plumbing and it's pretty damn hard to outsource.

60s Spiderman image dump! But seriously, that guy can go fuck himself. No one else should have to.

I can't even count how many tears I'm not shedding for this walking waste of DNA.

Can I get the link too? This sounds like an amazing idea. Y'all are genius.

I'll take Vancouver and Banff. You can have everything else.

Pls stop hitting on Canada while I'm on my one-on-one date. You're not even here for the right reasons. I really feel like there's a major connection between me and Canada.

Secret (not) shame: I love Canada. I frequently dream about what America could be like if we just listened to Canada a little bit. I could even live in Vancouver without a huge problem. Canada, what I'm trying to say is, maybe we could go out sometime?

Hold up, I can support Planned Parenthood by eating Thin Mints? Someone fetch me a girl scout!

Kara, you may be my favorite writer on Gawker Media right now. This is hilarious and I hope it's as regular as can be.

I had a food service job at a bakery where my boss got after me for not smiling, despite the fact that there were literally no customers in the joint. I explained that I wasn't smiling because I was in the middle of concentrating on a task and if someone should happen to come in I would certainly smile at them. She…

Would participate.

I swear I said this exact thing to my coworker the other day. I finally figured out why it bothers me so much. I am not a tall girl, so when a guy who is taller than I am (aka most of them) gets right up in my space, I'm forced to look way up, which makes the person look even bigger. It's a total intimidation tactic.…

Way to trot out that appeal to popularity fallacy. That's a good one. Let me offer you some reasons.

Because she's not every woman in the world? Because a lot of women don't understand that behavior like this is a huge red flag for abusive behavior? Because there's no accounting for taste? Take your pick, you'll be right no matter what you choose.

Right? Never buy the first gen of any technology.

I can offer two parents and a grandma named Ruth. (She is not RBG but I love her just as much. She's a trailblazing feminist in her own right.)

Point

Have you had Pappy Van Winkle bourbon? According to my parents (who consider scotch and bourbon to be part of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs) it is amazing and potentially life-changing.