Today is abortion day. It’s been a weird couple of weeks, realizing I was pregnant, having the absolute certain feeling that I can NOT have a baby right now, and figuring out all of the logistics to make this happen. My insurance doesn’t cover the procedure and I don’t qualify to have it done for free at Planned…

is at, like, 10 p.m. on a weeknight. Will there still be a dozen 99-year-old customers blocking the aisle with Rascal scooters, all of them paying by money order? You bet.

The transformation into Florida Man has begun!

I’m really starting to think this guy’s a jerk.

I bet he’d really love a painting of himself as a centaur.

I’m such a Deadspin fanboy that I hate Barstool Sports despite the fact that I’ve never visited their site.

Quitter.

It’s not the bacteria I’d be worried about - it’s the dog shit.  

Yeah, but I fucked it up by having three boys.

Baseball is a game of stances

Did you ever have to work a late shift and deal with the attractions coming to life?

Ex Band Geek here. I ask you, Mark. Next time you’re in a room with even 5 other people. Ask them all to count to 10 in their head and then clap once they get to “10". I would bet you $100 you get a cascade of people clapping at different times.

Assuming the average home doesn’t have a file cabinet, how are these “records” to be managed?

Your girlfriend is probably already interviewing prospective trainers as we speak anyways.

and then I have to stand there and chat with Eugene from HR while I’m trying to spread on some scallion and chive cream cheese.

So now he’s Targeting the elderly?

Looking forward to the “Who is the oldest person you have ever sexually assaulted?” questions at next year’s combine.

Maybe they should stop letting him out on bail? 

I would like to thank my manager for being there for me, their advice, listening to me and generally being awesome. I hope one day, you get the recognition you deserve.

Hey Jezzies! I have an auntie win to share! (I’m the one raising my nephew).

My nephew was picked as student of the month in his class for how much he’s improved in reading! He’s in first grade. He came to me in August barely reading more than his name and simple things like “cat”*, so it’s been one of our big…